Watercolours

Going through the motions
Ending up nowhere at all
Can't see the sun on my wall

Going through emotions
Ending up on a frozen morning
With a heart not even broken

Seems I've been running
All my life
All my life
All my life
Like watercolours in the rain

I'll find the falling star
I'll fall In love
With the eyes of a dreamer
And a dream worth believing

*Watercolours in the Rain*

A dapple-grey gelding

These past few days had ben extremely hectic. Only got 4-5 hrs sleep every night, which is not good at all. On Monday,me, ninghan, and jac did our posters at ninghan's place. At first we thought, oh we shd b able to finish in the afternoon..how hard can putting up a few things, cutting, and gluing papers on a poster board can be. but..we were SO wrong. Ended up doing the poster until 11ish at nite..omg. In the end the three of us just start to laugh at random times, i think due to the stress lol. Thx to ninghan's housemates who cooked dinner as well =) its one of those rare proper dinner I had nowadays.

Yesterday got no lecture, only poster presentation. After that, felt soo damn relaxed, as if its the start of holiday. I'm quite glad that APP is finished. I really liked most of the materials tho, but there's so many reports and tutorials to do..so quite packed schedule. Initially i wanted to go back home and sleep..cos I only slept for 4 hrs the night before (trying to translate this whole webpage frm german-english! omg horror), but didn't really feel like gg home yet..so me, meiting, n michael went for lunch at OC. Then went to meiting's place for a bit...might buy birkenstocks! Went covent garden/oxf st.. shoe shopping! hehe..here's my christmas list : a wallet from Paul Smith, a pair of red pumps from Shelly's, a pair of gold pumps from this shoe boutique in covent garden. hehe...
Irma and Sasha went out clubbing to Tantra on the night, so we drank a bit at home..I decided not to go, due to extreme sleepiness..and just too lazy. Ended up doing my CV (finally, finished!) and cleaning our flat.

Today (Wed) was really good as well. Only had 1 lecture in the morning about stats. Then went horse riding. As usual when i came, i visited Ezra first. He still looked kind of sleepy, but he greeted me happily by rubbing his huge head on my shoulder, while searching for polo mints. Then i went to watch the b team in their jumping lesson. Then turns out I got to ride Ezra for our flat lesson, soo happy!! i've got him for 3 weeks in a row!!!!! happy happy..plus today only got me n harriet, so basically we got the whole big arena only for the two of us. He was really really good today. In the warm up, he was bit tense and he locked his inside shoulder as usual. but after a good 15-20 minutes..after a lot of figure eights, shoulder-in, shoulder-fore, and leg-yield..finally he stretched down and loosen up those tight muscles. When he's calm, he can really move! can feel his hindlegs really goin underneath his body..whilst keeping his head rounded all the time. Ah..that's one of the greatest, bestest feeling in the world when me and him just clicked. He knows what i wanted, and he did it perfectly. It's so effortless.. in a way you feel like floating on clouds =) It is true, if you watch the world's best riders, they never seem to move. They just seem like they didn't do a thing and sit perfectly still..while their horses do all those fancy, advanced dressage movement..like piaffe, flying changes, or passages. While actually the truth is, the cues they gave their horses are so extremely subtle...just a squeeze from their leg, a tiny flicker of the wrist, or a slight adjustment of your seat in the saddle..and their horses are so sensitive and highly schooled, they will respond to the slightest change in the rider's positions. What a magical sight. Reminds me when I went to Aachen in 2000, and I saw Anky van Grunsven on Bonfire doing the freestyle dressage..with flying changes at every stride in canter. wow.

Anyway, i think i shall stop here before i posted the whole page with horses and more horsey story.. Ezra, i love you so much. you've made my day today!!! (he got his treat : a full packet of polo mints).

Another monday morning

I feel very easily stressed nowadays. Like Meiting said, work is good. It's a therapy. When i work, as in work in cinema..not doing some essays/lab report/presentation..my mind just shut off. I just work and work and serve customers. It's really tiring physically, but mentally theraupetic. Because sometime you study, then you want 2 take a break..but even that u'r mind will keep wandering, oh shall i go back to study, or should i put this into my essay. Work is the same like horse riding. It's those moments when you can completely lose yourself in what you're doing. When the whole world fades and its just you and your horse, both workinng as a team.Like nothing else in the world matters..hmm maybe i'm exaggerating a bit. but yeah its true, for me at least.

Another week had passed. Now its Monday morning again..another new week.. starting new module, stats.
Nowadays, my time management sucks..seriously. I used to be much better in managing my time last year. My sleeping time also screwed up lately..I think the longer i am in uni, the less productive i am in doing work..sucks. =(

Got lots of things to sort out...visa.. still haven't succeed in booking train ticket frm vienna-prague. Yesterday me n ninghan called this local austrian train company, n got no clue whtv they're talking abt! its in german or heavily accented english..... plus cv.. dunno wht to do for summer....internship? everyone around me are submitting applications..make cv's...it makes me feel like i should do it as well, but is it what i really want to do?
I think i know the answer..but i just don't really know how to choose..will you choose to do the right thing or follow what your heart says? it sucks, it just makes me feel trapped.. i think i just make things sounds more complicated than it actually is. ~~

Hmmmh... oh irma made these yummy rainbow-sprinkled-vanilla cookies! ate a whole batch of freshly baked cookies just now =)

Another weekend

Time really really flies. Its already weekend again.
Last APP lectures was today. 2 weeks till xmas holiday officially starts. 5 more weeks before it's 2007. Hmm.. I haven't call home in weeks. Think am gonna call oma & opa nxt week definitely, also will call Dian. I just spent a long time talking to artati on the phone yesterday, just catching up on some random stuff. Gonna meet up with her for lunch smtime nxt week..since nxt week shd b more free hopefully. Updates..hmm on Wed got to jump Ezra again! i love him soo much. He's just so genuine, and sweet. Reminds me a lot of Bobby back home. I hope i can continue to jump him nxt week as well. Got this really..funny horse..called Luke for flat lesson. He is only 5 yrs old, but soo calm he will make u think he's actually 20yrs old. The thing is he's actually still green, so he didn't have much of a clue of what he's supposed to do..but he thinks he already knows his job. A bit hard to explain but yea.. he's a funny character tht one.

Also had a team social at Kat's place. It was really fun! we just ended up sharing horsey stories for hours. Thts wht i like abt horsy ppl, u dun have to actually know each other well, but just our love for horses connects us. Really. Everytime i compete/watch competitions, surely made friends.. with new horsy ppl. Can talk and talk for hours just abt horses, even tho we just met. =)

Then Claire came over on wed nite!!! so good to catch up with her!! she n ninghn slept over at my place. Didn't get much sleep lol. She's still the same, exactly the same..=) can't believe the last time i saw her was in egypt! all of it just seems so far far away now. I think i'll come down to southampton n visit her one day. hehe..

Today work was ok.. not so busy like last week. Also finish closing dam fast with johny..then we decided to continue cleaning so Dan won't ask us to go on floor lol.
anywayy.. gtg sleep now.

Sleeping

I just woke up after a 10-hrs sleep!! hehehe...felt really good, esp since these few days i've been sleeping only for 4-5 hrs. I'm watching the sunrise now. Yesterday evening went swimming, felt nice to swim =) then went back home, cook, then slept all the way thro till this morning. Nice.. I know i really shd do some work, like tidying up notes and stuff yesterday nite..but sleep is more important hehe.

Later on today got riding, yay! I dreamt of riding Ezra just now.. Then got team social at Kat's place.. then Claire's gonna come and stay over at my place tonite. Been ages since last time i saw her in egypt! many things to catch up. Also just sent a bday text to novi, she's 21 now! i think i'll gv her a call soon, see how things are back home..haven't talked to her for sometime as well. It's a bit funny as ppl always never believe we're cousins as we're so different, but we used to be quite similar i think.. in primary school.
Hmm..this week shd be ok, yesterday just handed in lab reports etc & also i like my presentation! yays..talking abt how your brain controlled your personal space is really quite interesting. =)

Battersea park

A very 'proper' dinner..aka : 2 main meal + ice cream + tea

Yummy carbonara cooked by alex at Ninghan's place xp

In Battersea park, can see tht's it's autumn now..nice, isn't it?

Today was a really threaupetic day, as ninghan mentions it hehe.. Went cycling to Battersea Park wt Ninghn (borrowed Michael's bike as usual lol). Realised that really, small bike does make you exercise much more. It was unusually sunny when we set off frm Cromwell rd, not warm..but at least the sun was shining =)

It's pretty near to cycle there, compared to the other time when we cycled to Richmond Park! wah..this one is quite nearby, 20mins i think. Got there, cycle2 around..saw so many ppl, kids mostly, playing rollerblades. Actually was initally thinking to rollerblade, while ninghn cycled. Lucky didn't do it, otherwise..hmm..i think will tk us forever to reach there hehe. It's really nice, since i hvn't been to battersea park since i moved to vic this yr. Last yr i went to jog there quite often every sundays/saturdays. Saw all the leaves turning yellowish, which means winter will b here very soon =( Spent a long time just sitting on a bench next to the pond, just talking2 under the sunshine..so relaxing! haha.. then was quite hungry, so decided to cycle back.

Back at Ninghn's place..then cook dinner (more like helping to cook dinner lol), as alex did all the cooking. Seriously yummy carbonara/bacon/cheese pasta! the cheesy flavour was super nice. Also cooked meatballs, n got LOADS of pasta. Dinner was fun, wt the dimmed light/candles (yeap,candles!)/wine...hehe. Got to know ninghn's housemates as well, really damn hilarious the conversation ard e dinner table! haha..

basically the meal went all the way from 2 main course..then ice cream/crunchy raisin (courtesy frm mushroom lol)..teh tarik. Happy and v.v.full at the end. Good time =)

I think really sundays like this shd happen more often..cos usually i hate sundays, as the day after that is Monday, which means beginning of a new week, more work to do. Oh dear.. APP work is just never ending! seriously.. I realised i really quite liked the materials they gv us in APP, but compared to AMB which is so slack, APP really was not easy la.

ok, gtg sleep now.. tmr gonna go Austrian embassy & *fingers crossed* will get all the visa matters sorted asap.

Berlari

Berlari dan terus berlari
mencari arah kemana angin kedewasaan membawaku

Berlari dan tak mau henti
kucari arah di mana ada matahari
sinari sinari aku kalahkan gemintang malam
biarkan aku menari di tepian masa depan
jangan sampai tergelincirdan jatuh ditimpa takdir

Berlari dan terus berlari
mencari arah kemana angin kedewasaan membawaku.

007

Today at work it was insanely BUSY!!
OMG..seriously, Borat was nothing compared to James Bond. This one can b categorised as busy as Da Vinci Code was last time. It was sold out since 5pm..even for 9pm showing. Seriously. Plus we were all just serving-serving-serving and serving all the time non-stop. Even got no time to stock up. All night long till 11.30ish then it quietens down. I was SO glad they didn't put me on floor today, otherwise i will just die seriously.

Plus, today at school also damn busy. Got lab 9-12pm..chinese 12-1pm..lab again 2-3.30pm..lecture 3.30-4.30 pm. Plus me n ninghan manage to squeeze in a bit of time to do our lab rep on stat, using R. Quite cool, can get a graph etc really fast n easy =) Then it was raining like hell when we finish lect ard 4.30ish. Oh dear. Lucky can tk the underpass, then tk tube to fbdy, so didn't get soaked in the rain. Unlike yesterday, where I was literally drenched on my whole left side of my body...due to bus 24 who drove past while i was walking beside this huge pool of water.

Yesterday went Covent Garden to see the xmas tree being lighted up. Nothing much special really, it felt a bit too soon to feel all christmassy.. xp.

I read tephi's blog just now. And actually reading wht she said makes me realise that what I thought I used to have with a certain someone, actually I didn't. Even though I tried to convince myself for a long time that I had it, but turns out it's not what I thought it was. Strangely, after I read her blog, it didn't make me feel sad. It actually made me feel free and liberated. Why?cos during that time, I always thought that tht's it. Which in that time actually made me feel kinda trapped sometime. but no, really no..Now i can see it clearly, what i couldn't see back then. If somebody did not appreciate you enough, then why bother. It's their loss really =) I never admit it to anyone, but actually i've already realised this a long time ago. but that time, i was just trying to convince myself that i was wrong, when actually i was right all along. all the time.Why do people try to convince themselves to do something that they thought was the RIGHT thing to do? when actually, you already know the answer all along. Listen to it, because really..most of the time it's true, i think =)

Mid-week

Just had a long long chat with Tephi..looks like i can't go n visit her in LA during easter , too bad. but anyway, i realised something that in certain principal, we agreed in completely opposite things. I never really realised it until just now, even though i've known her for a long time. It's funny how sometimes, even old friends can still surprise you. You thought you knew someone really well, but then it turns out that there are still different sides of them that you have not yet met. I think i read somewhere that you can only know 10 % of a person's personality, even your very closest friend. I think it might be true. Humans are very complicated. Even i think i'm slightly different when i'm here and when i'm back home. Not drastically different, but just not the same. At home, with people who already knows you since forever, they already have a set of perception how you should be..In here, it's more liberating, it's quite refreshing though.

Today was quite good, our internet (proper one, no more stealing wireless connection frm our neighbour lol) is up and running! yays..but the bad thing is that its still a bit screwed up. Got disconnected so many times! damn.

Yesterday had dinner with manda, ajeng, and her sisters.. Its been ages since i saw her! last time was when I left TarQ in 2003 for concord. Been feeling quite nostalgic these few days. Was really considering to go back to Shrewsbury this weekend, but decided not to due to work & lab reports.

I was browsing thr concord's website yesterday, and it makes me miss that place even more so.

Missed the morning wake up call and morning registration

Missed the chocolate croissants during breakfast

Missed prep/saturday tests in sports hall

Missed the dining hall and our table

Missed cycling to Heather's place and her horses

Missed post office/numerous trips to town on saturdays/midnite bday surprises

Missed the rooms with super thin walls where u can actually talk to artati thro the walls

Missed the smell of fresh grass, field full of yellow flowers, and chilly morning frost

and all of the people

anyway, posted a few pics of concord in summer/winter/field full of yellow flowers in front of main hall/our lovely house, Highfield =)

Pergi jauh

Dian td mssg gw trs bilang kl alvin dpt beasiswa k stanford! gile..hebat2.. politics. trs ya dianya yg sedih gt krn dia bkl pergi..n gw bilang, ya di..mgk loe mst mikir utk bilang k alvin. krn slama kt masi punya kesempatan..ya knp ga..iya ga sih. Tp gw suka mikir jg, kynya yg bego tu gw kali ya.. tp gw seneng sih, krn byk kesempatan..tp yg suka bikin gw sedih, yaitu gw g tau dia mikir apa y ttg gw. Kt artati n manda, biasanya intuisi cw bener, tp kl gw nya doank yg k gr an gimn donk. ga lucu bgt.. tp ga tau ya..knp y gw bisa ngrsa ky gini. seneng sih, tp bittersweet senengnya..Gimana ya..gw jg bener2 ga tau mst ngapain skrg ini. Bingung.. gw suka mikir gimn ya kalo wht if gitu. tapii..duh g tau deh..susah. Tp satu yg jelas, hal2 sweet yg perna dia lakuin k gw uda lbh byk drpd yg dulu mantan gw perna bikin k gw. Knp yah kita ga perna bisa ngontrol kata hati? kalo bisa..mungkin dunia ini bkl jadi lebih membosankan..tapi at least ga ada orang yg bkl ngrasa sakit hati, kecewa, seneng, sedih.. ga tau lah, yg ada gw jadi depresi sndiri mikirin ini smua. Mungkin tenggelam di dlm khayalan juga suatu hal yg bagus kadang2..krn di dlm dunia yg loe bikin sndiri, pasti smuanya berakhir dgn bahagia. Sedangkan di dalam dunia nyata, mungkin kenyataan itu sendiri tidak semanis apa yang kau mau.

Fajar

It's 3am now and i'm happily browsing the internet from my comfy couch under a duvet =) hmm.. Work today was good. Closing with Sacha, damn fast! we finish at 2.20!! plus not so crowded. Raul is leaving nxt week..really quite surprised, he's been working there practically forever. He's gg to move to Australia.
Also today finally can get a bit of a breather. Handed in essay & lab report. Fiuhh...

Tomorrow and Sunday only got short shifts at work. yays. Hawking as well. Hmmm tomorrow wht shd i do.. i love weekends with nothing to do. It's so relaxing! =)
Shall I start researching on summer internships? hmm ..i dunno wht i want to do this summer. Go home definitely...to ride my horses n go diving. but also wanna work or do sth for the first 2mths here i think.. hmm lots of choices.
Hard to decide.

Lately my days seems to passed by in a blur..it's soo fast, suddenly it's alrd weekend again. Sometimes i'm scared that if i don't slow down, i might miss something precious along the way. I called artati yesterday, and she gave me a really nice advice.. it might be the answer i'm looking for lately. I think its true really, that some friends actually knows you better than you know yourself. They will make you see the reality.

"Aku berpikir, maka aku ada. Dimana pikiranku berada, disitu aku ada."

A breather

Finally, today for the first night since last week..I was home before 9pm!! yays.. yah i know my life's been extremely hectic. I think nowadays, I do more work last minute, but this week was insane..Omg, tmr got one essay n one lab report due. Then next week one essay and more lab reports..plus presentation the week after. Oh dear.. Plus also need to organise team social, xmas dinner, xmas trip for riding club to Olympia.. try to find sponsors. Plus work on weekends.
I really need more SLEEP.
Seriously..

Yesterday had a great time jumping with Ezra!!! so happy tht they let me jumped him cos usually they only allow very few ppl to jump him as he can be a bit tricky at times. He was still kinda green, thus he overjumped a lot...but wow he got such a strong hindlegs!! its been awhile since i jumped a horse with that much power..Kim is one of the few who can give u tht powerful feel of flying over fences. Miss her so much. If only can ship her here.. haha..
Plus I also got to ride this super CUTE small, hairy, rounded-belly, brown n white pony called Twiglet!!! omg he got the CUTEST face ever!!!!

Minds

What if's ..
do you ever stop to think of the probabilities?
somebody once said that the truth is always there, you just have to allow it

I'm very very sleepy now.. yesterday got Ning/Hock/Yoke's bday celebration =) quite succesfully managed to taopok ninghan lol. I think i'm a bit brain dead from writing about PWS now.

In lab

"I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; And because I cannot do everything I will not refuse to do the something that I can do." ~~Helen Keller

Flowers

This morning as I was leaving Sainsbury after doing grocery shopping, I notice the flowers that they sell near the entrance. Then I stopped to smell the flowers. It's smells nice, like all flowers of course do :) The thing is that those flowers have always been there. It's just usually I never take time to notice them. Slowing down is sometimes good. In all aspects tho, I usually remind myself to slow down if i fell a bit overwhelmed with everything.

Btw, 2day had an interesting trip back home frm work..cos I missed the last tube, so decided to tk bus 14 to Leicester sq..then tk 24 home frm there. Which overall took me 1hr to get back home. It's just a bit funny to actually arrive in picadilly at the time when I usually heading back home from there after having a dinner or drinks with manda & ti.

"Friendship. Joy. Peace. Happiness. A lot of nice things in life are free" it's a quote from a poster in the tube stn. Pretty true really.

Oh, eggnogg latte is back now in starbucks!! yay

KCLMSS nite

Pics from KCLMSS clubbing event at tiger2..had fun =) plus it's a bit like concord reunion. lols. thts us waiting for the bus..me n meiting.. manda,artati, me in e cloakroom.

Perfect pals

Ezra, a sweetie..
asking for polo mints after practice as usual ..

Todd and me..(far left)
he got such a smooth & powerful canter strides =)

Cold and dark winter

It's been super cold since yesterday :(
it's sunny, but it's cold.. cold cold cold
even now i'm actually wearing my coat & scarf in comp lab.. and still feel cold.
and tired. sleepy.
I hate winter..no more sunshine at 4pm.. it makes me feel very un-energised. Plus also it even colder in the stables.

Went to KCLMSS in tiger2x on tuesday nite. Had fun cos its been ages since we all went out and club. Used to do that quite often when we just came here 3yrs ago, everytime we went to london almost always went to club. I think after a while, its not so exciting anymore. Go club once in a while is ok tho, a nice change from everyday routine. Yan & Sasha went to our place to get ready beforehand, it makes me miss the nights we used to spent dressing up & getting ready together for xmas dinners/end of term party/etc back then in concord.

Got so many errands to run today. Feels like 24 hrs a day is really not enough sometimes. Finally able to secure an appointment with the austrian embassy on 20th of nov, dunno whether gonna hv enough time or not to apply for szech visa after that cos act austria visa only need 1 week to apply, but for indonesians & a few other country might take up to 3-4 weeks! bloody hell.
Also managed to call my dad today and got a bad news, apparently our horse carer is thinking to quit his job cos he was scolded by the stable's manager. Oh no, no no no...cos he knows Kim, Chief, and Zinnie inside out. So far he's been one of the best groom i ever had. Damn. I txted him today saying hopefully he won't quit. Another not so good news is abt opa, now he can't walk at all anymore.It's so sad..he used to b so full of life. Picking me up at school, but now its as if he has lost his spirit to live anymore. Which is like, the worst thing tht can happen if say, you're 80 yrs pld, got high blood pressure & diabetes. Not so good.
A few happy news as well.. laras is better, she isn't so sad anymore with Nikki gone..then abe gonna get married in november (seriously, i miss all of my friends/cousins weddings!). Spoke to mum as well. She got e pictures i emailed her yesterday and she said we all looked good (its e pic from clubbing & lebaran in indo embassy).

Hmmhh..
yah.. i dunno, i think today i feel a bit like a loner. Just like to be alone sometimes. And finish up all the errands i need to do for the day. Went to careers fair today, the only company that interest me is P&G. Plus they ran a 3-months paid summer internship. Hmm..might do that probably.
Gonna go and swim now..before i freeze to death in this freezing computer lab xp