Barley tea

Muscles are blisfully aching from basketball just now :) (even though i feel like i was dying during practice.. i'm extremely unfit! sometimes i feel bad at my teammates cos they keep running and i was like, no i'll stay half the court cos i seriously cant run anymore :( and no riding does not make me fitter, due to muscle habituation after years of doing it continuously, seriously riding did not tire me that much at all these days, but if i go home, my trainer really know how to make me dying by asking me to ride at least 3 horses straight for proper flat lessons, not that i complain lol)

...then stomach full from dinner at OC, crispy roast pork yumm :)

going to read more about my very interesting horsy topic for my essay, make a nice cup of barley tea.. then going to have an early night in today..

Happiness! i feel content.. a good Saturday indeed

Dragon or others

Sleepy..zzzzzzzzzzzz

falling asleep on my problem sheets..

sometime i work so slow, but i prefer to work slow as long as i actually understand what im doing. but seriously the so-called-dry-lab today really took a LOT out of me, its not physically taxing but you know that feeling when you work hard then finish, then its a bit like brain dead feeling. argh. i realised im not very smart, but then again its back to the old saying abt either being the head of the dragon or the tail. i gues im near the tail, but the even though its the tail, being the dragon itself is already above average right.

Was stuck in a moment of panic attack just now when i realise that exams are NOT far away and this is bloody 3rd year in which it will count 65 % towards my final degree!! aaaa....

then manage to calm myself down by doing laundry (switching to my Monica-from-friends-mode)

And on another note, im pretty proud of myself ! the reason ? 26 days!

H-7

Cool, right?

H-7 until Indonesian Night :) !!

this is what i've been doing these days, don't ask how my genetics write-up and problem sheets are going :( but happy!! today we finally got the chance to practice in old theatre together with the drama and Bruneian dance people. Can't wait until next week!!

Thursday 6th of March : Indonesian Cultural Night in LSE

come people !!!!

People-watching : a habit that every commuters pick up to kill time
I can actually say quite proudly that i'm able to pick out which clothes came from which shop (most of the time when my shopping mode is : on).

I want to eat dimsum...

Mika – Happy Ending

This is the way you left me,I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

Wake up in the morning, stumble on my life
Can't get no love without sacrifice
If anything should happen, I guess I wish you well
A little bit of heaven, but a little bit of hell
This is the hardest story that I've ever told
No hope, or love, or glory
Happy endings gone forever more

Listening to this song used to make me feel sad, but i've listened to it again recently and it doesn't make me feel sad anymore. Yay :) (pic above taken frm a fajr's fs page tx!)

Self-contentment

I've never felt stronger before. These days my self-esteem are very good i think. Hehe.. and no this doesn't mean i'm free from all the stress of being a final year biologist, it just simply means that, hmm how do i put this into words? That I can feel myself changing, bit by bit, towards a more realistic me, more.. mature? no, not mature. Its not exactly confidence either, its just a feeling when you feel satisfied with yourself and happy being who you are. Knowing your faults, brave to face your problems and loving yourself a lot more than you used to be. Like someone said to me before, we create problems in our mind and it all just depends on your perspectives. Hmmh... feel sooo good these days :)

It is a well-known fact that when i blog often it means one of these three things :

i'm stressed

i'm bored

i'm exuberantly happy

I wish the number 3 will be the most often reasons, however today i'm blogging due to reason number 1. FINALLY today i can get home before 8 pm! such a relief. Our presentation was pretty crap today, but at least I had a really good long longgg jog just now to clear up my muddled up thoughts. And i went back and cleaned my room/.bathroom, switching to my clean-freak self is another thing i usually do when i'm feeling kind of brain -dead. like now.

Eat and Two Veg

Eat and Two Veg

a vegetarian restaurant located on Marylebone High St :)

Had lunch there with Wilson and Jac today, nice schnitzel! pork but not pork..i think i havent eaten non-asian food for at least a month. And I discovered that Marylebone is a pretty, quaint area, and walking there this afternoon really lifted my mood up.

Been in school since yesterday, then again today..sigh the after-effect of procrastinating is NOT fun. Totally underestimated the amount of work we had to do :(

Food for thought(?)

I've eaten three expired food products for my dinnner today. Amazing.

Usually i'm one of those people who will finish all their food in the fridge waayyy before the expiration date, however these past week i've been busy as hell thus hardly had any chance to gobble down the remaining food in my fridge.

What i've just eaten : mushroom, bacon and hazelnut yogurt (the mushroom and bacon were cooked with pasta, of course, not eaten with the hazelnut yogurt).

And our third dance rehearsal in LSE was getting better tonite. yay! but still the saman dance from PPI Prancis was amazing really, go watch in youtube as 'tari saman PPI Perancis' and thats what we're attempting to do (well progressing more likely).

Loved

I just said this in my blog post a few days ago, but am gonna say it again :

I feel so loved :)

happy.. seriously. I just went back from a belated-birthday dinner with Louisa and Simon in Mangosteen. Good food, great company. What more can I say. I feel truly blessed indeed :) thank you (again) dear friends, all of you had really made me feel extra-special and very much loved during my birthday this year *hugs and lots of kisses* !!

From the pre-birthday chocolates sent from my cousin in Brighton, midnight celebration with Irma and Mira at our lovely flat, Loki's company in the morning (yes he does count even tho he is a horse), lunch with Carina plus the cake surprise, shopping spree with Irma and Silvia in the afternoon, then the surprise gathering at night (thanks to manda & nti who've ran literally to wongkei and frantic-candle-searching xp, yan who came all the way even tho she was ill, and silv and irma...hugss super big hugs for you guys!), ended with drinking too much with Irma all night lol. Yummy dimsum lunch wt ninghn, mt, lex, wilson ...cant believe this IS our last year in bio :), then finally the last one is dinner today wt simon and louisa.

Love u to bits everyone!!!!!

My timetable for the rest of this week

Okay, sleeping for 11 hours straight last night was probably not such a good idea after all. It left me feeling lethargic throughout the whole day today actually. And I've been in school from 8.30-5 pm now.. Wanna go home but have to go to LSE for rehearsal. Arghh why do I let Silvia talk me into participating (again) in Indo nite this yearr.... at least we're doing the Saman dance in which i dont mind doing cos we dont have to wear kebaya (i cant fit into mine anymore, the last time i wore it was like in 1st year concord...when i was still thin enough haha..but seriously it doesnt fit me anymore sigh). Anyway, panic mode will be on very VERY soon because me and louisa is still in 0 % in doing our NGF project !!!

damnn...

argh............................

then tomorrow all day competing in UCL.. bday dinner at night with simon and louisa

then thursday gonna watch lion king..

then friday another rehearsal in LSE

then saturday riding and basketball and cny dimsum

omg when the hell will i find time to do proper work!!

panic mode : ON

Small little world

I guess as you get older, the more often it is to cross paths with people who know each other. Strange, what a small little world we live in. Isn't it ?

I feel loved :) :) ! Thanks again for everyone for the birthday wishes, wish I could name you one by one but then you all know who you are. Love you all to bits, and to some, miss you guys so much as well !! and I need to sleep, some serious long, dreamless, sleep.. much needed indeed. Dunno how I was coping these three days with just 3-4 hours sleep per night. I need my beauty sleep hehe..

Catch 22

22 today!!

on 2 feb :)

okay i might write something really stupid here but blame it on the wine-champagne-and chocolates lol. Overall had a very VERY enjoyable birthday today :) one of the best ever. Started with champagne and chocs at 12 midnite on 1 feb with irma and mira..slept at 3 am then actually (im proud of myself for actually waking up!) go ride Loki in the morning by 6am tube. Rode him in flat went superb, he did counter-canter damn well now... still got some over-excitement in doing flying changes though. It was FREEZING this morning!!!! what with the temperature around 0-1 C and i wear three layers of clothings doesnt help. Then went home, lunch with Carina in Arang. This nice small korean restaurant in Picc circ....got another bday cake there. Shopping spree wt irma and sil, went home and found Manda and Artati hiding in the kitchen (hehee tx guys seriously i thot ure all gg join us in clubbing which didnt happen in the end xp xp). Then got my 3rd bday cake :) :)

thanksss everyone!! cant act mention ur name one by one but yah..thanks a hell lot! today was one of the best birthdays i've ever had :) !!

*hugs and kisses!!!*

Billy Elliot the Musical

Teacher :

"Billy, how does it feels like when you are dancing ?"

Billy :

" I can't really explain it

I haven't got the words

It's a feeling that you can't control

I suppose it's like forgetting, losing who you are

And at the same time, something makes you whole"

'Electricity' from Billy Elliot the Musical :)

One of the best musical i've ever seen. Big hugs to irma and mira who had convince me to go and watch, since i'm always been a bit apprehensive to watch a musical due to previous experience when I fell asleep during Phantom of the Opera. And don't stare at me in shock, because for you all Phantom might be one of the best musical out there, but i'm just not too musical i guess..however I do enjoy Mamma Mia because the songs are very lively/pop-ish (and I love Abba songs). Anyway, that lyrics Billy sang above just really struck me, one word : horse riding.

Anyway, i'm gonna be 22 in about two hours!!

and i've got tomorrow nicely fully booked hehee...strangely, i don't feel that excited turning 22. I just feel..nothing. I even almost forgot that my bday is this weekend if not me checking the timetable last week to check when my essay was due.

I'm turning 22 on the 2nd day of the 2nd month and i live in flat 222 (ignore this end bit).

i love 2's !

Foggy Monday

Imperial Idol?

not recommended..dont watch, seriously it sucks. but oh well its for charity maybe that what makes so many bio ppl go, including me. It is the SECOND ever i've actually attend some event in imperial in my whole three years.. the first one was a christian union xmas choir sth like that. Haha yeah the antisocial being i am. At least being a treasurer for riding club made me actually step into the student union more often and meet some new faces lol

Owkayy.. been drinking hell lot of vitamin C related food today since i feel like im coming down with a cold blah :( and yesterday night i had the strangest ever dream :

i dreamt the dream in the dream before

if that statement makes any sense, you are smart

otherwise, ignore me as i must be going a bit crazy

Cape parah abis main basket tadi.. sptnya memang bener gw sgt unfit deh akhir2 ini. Tapi enak sih mainnya, senang. at least tadi gw ga trll byk mlakukan kbodohan yg biasanya gw sering bego kan tuh kalo dikasi bola. Tapi pasti deh bsok super pegel.. dan kynya im running a fever jg nih huhuhh gara2 tadi pulang males ganti jeans jadi tetep pake clana basket plus sweater, mana nunggu tube lama abis train nya..jadilah kynya saya akan masuk angin bsok. Btw tadi swaktu lagi mem-vacuum flat dan bersih2 kamar mandi..sekilas mendadak gw mikir, kynya gw harus menemukan suami (dari langit apa yah jatuhnya..pacar saja tak ada hahah) yang sgt bersih deh..soalnya gw akui gw itu sdikit2 obsessive compulsive disorder loh. kya monica di friends. im a clean freak saya akui.. (dan juga diakui oleh irma dan mira yg tinggal bareng gw uda 2 taun ini). bersih2 dan rapi2in itu bikin pikiran tenang..bener loh, bagi yg blm perna mencoba.coba deh. Yes bsok hari minggu dan gw akan bermalas2an dirumah sharian! ada coursework menanti sih... tapi oh well besok sharian pnuh tak ada acara! yayy senang

Gallops

Long weekend for me this week. Went out to the woods with Loki this afternoon, he was damn full of himself! we galloped flat out and it was wicked. At one point, there was this huge wide puddle of water (in which he hated, he hates to get his feet muddy) and he decided to sort of leap/jump at it :) yeah a bit reckless i know but oh well we had fun, don't we Loki ?

I put up old highschool pictures in facebook as 'the way we were' and got so many comments ! i guess my efforts as always being known as the-one-who-carried-a-camera-everywhere since ages ago was pretty good :)

Yay dinner party tonight!!! and long weekend tomorrow :)

Thames

Walked all the way home from Waterloo today, whilst river Thames by my side. Havent done that for a while now, but walking like that made me realise again how I love London a lot! and even now living next to the river, I still love going out and just stare at the water. Its comforting.

Pasar Barito, hanya tinggal kenangan

Goodbye Pasar Barito..

hari ini pasar barito digusur.. tadi gw abis baca2 beritanya di www.kompas.com sedih. Pasar barito in a way adalah salah satu kenangan masa kecil gw, dari sd-smp gw skolah disana trus gereja juga dsana. Jalan-jalan di pasar burung/ayam waktu dulu tiap hari minggu pulang gereja..beli kelinci dan ayam semasa dulu gw suka piara hewan dirumah. Terharu juga tadi gw baca kompas ngeliat banyak masyarakat umum yang turut kontra protes akan penggusuran ini.. trus tadi juga diupdate ama Dian. Ahh.. memang yah heran deh apa sih maunya pemerintah kita ini.. yang ga penting2 digusur, hal2 yang ga penting mulu yang mau diurusin. Bikin busway, ga guna.. so far bikin jakarta macet parah yang ada. Masih banyak hal hal lain yang bisa dan harusnya diperhatiin..

:( kecewa saya.

A penny for your thought in this rainy day

Tadi lagi iseng2 buka friendster, when I came across a blog entry from a friend of mine yang isinya tentang persepsi dia mengenai kenyamanan (wid, nyolong isi blog dikaw yaa hehe). Beberapa hari ini gw lagi banyak berpikir dan basically i think i spent a little bit too much time with my own thoughts. Kadang2 ada hal atau masalah yang dimana loe sebenernya pengen cerita dan minta pendapat dari orang lain, tapi sebenernya diri loe tau bahwa jawabannya yang loe cari itu cuman bisa didapatkan dari diri loe sendiri..dan bahwa sebenernya the so-called-answer you are looking for, you already knew it. Nah, kira2 beginilah perasaan gw dalam beberapa hari ini..yah sebenernya masalah ini uda gw pikirin sejak beberapa bulan lalu sih..its there at the back of my mind all the time. Dan gw tau, seberapapun inginnya gw pengen ngomong dan curhat ke temen2 gw... ga akan nemuin jalan keluarnya & i knew the answer is within myself. Akhirnya hari ini gw sudah memutuskan dan berani untuk bikin keputusan. Hey, growing up is all about making choices..isn't it?

Okeh, balik ke awal posting gw diatas tentang kenyamanan. Temen gw itu nulis kalo sebenernya ga ada definisi yang pasti tentang kenyamanan. Kenyamanan itu adalah perasaan yang cuman bisa loe sendiri yang rasain dan definisiin sebagai sesuatu yang menurut loe nyaman. Contohnya bagi gw, beberapa momen yang menurut gw bisa men-define kenyamanan contohnya nonton Loki makan rumput sambil menghirup udara pagi yang dingin (ini mah kalo menurut orang2 normal yang tidak terkena virus horse crazy sperti gw..ga mungkin suka haha), menghabiskan satu hari penuh sendirian di flat gw sambil baca buku during the weekend ato bangun tidur subuh2 dan took a jog along the river whilst watching London wakes up... anyway sebelum gw menghabiskan satu halaman penuh nulis hal2 yang menurut gw define kenyamanan best for me, intinya yaitu kalo mau kita perhatiin, hal2 kecil dalam hidup sehari2 itu banyak loh yang bisa bikin kita senang.. ..ga usa ngoyo banget untuk jadi orang yang terlalu ambisius dalam hidup, just be thankful for all those little things that makes life worth living really..karena sejujurnya kita (umm this applies to me dan hampir smua temen gw i think) termasuk orang yang sangat SANGAT beruntung dalam hidup ini dibandingkan kalo mau contoh ekstrim, orang2 yang bahkan tidak tahu kapan mereka bisa mendapat makan untuk hari esok.

Satu hal lagi yang dia tulis dalam blog itu yang juga cukup ngena buat gw.. yaitu jangan terlalu ngoyo berusaha dapetin balik apa yang dulu pernah loe punya. Jangan terus berjalan sambil menoleh ke belakang deh...bisa2 nabrak tiang listrik kalo gitu caranya hehe... Kenangan, thats all it is. Emang seneng sih skali2 bisa balik and take a look down that cherished memory lane (warning : jangan keseringan, yang ada either jadi ngerasa makin depresi ato ga pikiran logika loe bakal tertutup oleh bayangan khayalan yang loe bikin sendiri dengan amat kreatifnya haha).. tapi yang masa lalu itu uda lewat. Yang bisa kita lakuin adalah fokus ke masa depan, ke hal2 yang bisa kita capai... Kalo mikirin masa lalu terus, mau dipikir ampe jungkir balik juga itu bakal tetep di masa lalu kok... let time tell kalo kata orang2. Memang, kadang2 ga sabar rasanya untuk nunggu si 'waktu' itu memberi jawaban yang kita mau..pengen rasanya bisa punya mesin waktunya si Doraemon ato nge-fast forward waktu biar bisa liat sebenernya keingininan kita tuh tercapai ga sih di masa depan. Tapi ya itulah hebatnya waktu, seperti suatu quote yang pernah gw baca.. 'the only thing that is guaranteed in life is that it goes on'

Nasi bacang

Kemaren kan critanya gw ama Louisa uda pusing ngerjain tugas neuro di lab, eh pas dia lagi buka2 blog...trus terlihatlah foto2 dimsum yang ada nasi bacang dan charsiu pao. Mendadak langsung deh kita berdua ngidam mo makan dimsum, tadinya mo pergi kmaren malem tp masa malem2 makan dimsum rasanya aneh ah..jadilah tadi siang ini kita pergi ke china town utk ber-dimsum ria di Golden Dragon. Lucu deh biasanya gw dulu ga suka makan bacang, tp entah knapa tadi lg sangat ingin makan itu.. Puas skalii abis makan dimsum, perut kenyang dan hari masih siang (yeap berhubung course gw yang ini emang banyakk benerr free time nya.. cuman 2 jam lecture tiap pagi dari jam 9-11am trus udah deh bebas..tapi sedihnya ga bebas juga sih, berhubung mesti research bahan2 project dan assigment lainnya).

Yah anyway, merasa senang dan puas saja atas dimsum yg sangatt yummy tadii hehe.. :) have to go back to neurobiology now *sigh (dan fyi, neuroscience itu emang kedengerannya keren... dan itulah slh satu alasan gw ambil course yg ini, tapii buat yg mo belajar ato berniat berkarir di bidang ini, gw kasitau aja..susahhhhh nya ampun2an!!!! hikss...skarang aja saya uda takut fail di exam nih argh).

After-effect

Happy birthday Hank!!

Its been awhile since we all get together like these, getting rarer these days since everyone is busier than ever. I slept at 3am last night, woke up at 8am today and did nothing productive until Ajeng called me out for dinner/desert at the creperie. Anikha was there as well, and I met this guy called Tessa who looked sooo familiar, but neither of us could remember when and where we met before so thats a bit funny. In the end we concluded that we must've met during one of those PPI gatherings somewhere sometime ago.

I'm still feeling continuously sleepy..hoahm. Never had bouts of jetlag as long as these before.. *sigh

Its 2008

I went back for christmas holiday this year. A single sentence to describe my holiday ? it was short, yet sweet. It was not enough time to meet up with everyone, but then the ones i really want to see were there and they also spend their time to keep me company which really is all that matters. Japan was also great in its own way, and Inka is one of the best to travel with! i miss you ka when we finish our trip haha... seeing how we spend 24/7 in each other's company for 10 days, even caught the most horrible flu together in Singapore as well. I must say that going back even for a short time did refreshed me a lot, maybe because I was in under a hell lot of stress before the holiday period too. Anyway, two more courses to go and one final year project to tackle..then I'm officially (*fingers crossed**) saying goodbye to Imperial !

Powder Room Experience

Irma managed to get me having my nails done for the very first time EVER in my life today! well basically she managed to book a place for both of us in topshop powder room, in which we each had a two-hour slot and we can get our hair/nails/make up/skin done for FREE :) ! great isn't it?? they should do this more often man...

anyhow, yeaps there we went.. me feelin quite excited and curious at what people actually do in salons, and why they seem to love spending hours to get their nails done etc (i do like going to salons, but only for hair..never before ive been bothered to get anything else done). It was indeed a nice small secluded-ish place, tucked in the basement floor of topshop. we sat down, the receptionist took our coats, gave us firefly drinks in which i love. then off i got my skin done, eyes done (this lady from shu uemura give me tips in wht colors can suit me..yay..usually am quite lazy to experience wt eyeshadow, i love pink/gold-ish eyes and thats all the colors ive ever put on my eyes ever once in awhile). I got my hair styled in a flicked-up style as well which seems like the best option since my hair has not been touched by any hairdresser for about 3 months now sadly, the last time i got this nice bob,,but now the ends are long-ish and in need of a proper trim. Manicure too! it was surprisingly quite fast and got a clear pink shiny polish on the tips of my nails. So..after 2 hourse we then emerged looking quite refresehed, and I must say i quite enjoy it really. will ask irma to drag me along next time she do this again haha... ...

Oh term ends yesterday and we had one of the most enjoyable end of term ever :) Our applied ecology course convenor, Simon Leather, took us to the london zoo to have our last lectures.. and some behind-the-scene bugs research (we saw this cool hissing bugs!). And the most surprising part, he actually gave us presents and awards of all sorts ..so everyone got some kind of awards for partaking the course (i got best poster 3rd place, not bad eh..hehe...got chocolates). he gave books, waterstones vouchers, medals etc. Seriously, during my 3 yrs in imperial now..this is one hell of a great example of a course convenor who actually really cares for his students :) he's also very appoachable, made the course very interactive. and even though I admit this course was very very hard due to the amount of courseworks which was insane, with me sleeping for 3-4 hours or even no sleep at all in the past week to chase all the deadlines..plus the statistics which kind of overwhelm me since i never touch stat at all since 1st..one word : I learn a hell lot from this AE course. A LOT.

Then yesterday finished off with having dinner together at my flat ;) i somehow decided to invite a few ppl over for dinner, then panicking afterwards on what to cook. not that i didnt like cooking, but i only cook for myself so i dont really care if the food sometimes didnt taste too good as long as its edible..but seeing that i need to cook for my friends, so i decided to put an effort hehe.. it turns out well! and the salmon turns out fine too which was good (trims ti hehe..tipsmu bermanfaat! dahulu aku uda 3-4 kali bikin tp crumbs nya ga lengket gitu). the apple crumble can came out better, will try to experiment more hehe.. anyways, now the fridge is empty completely..except for milk. lol. glad tht ppl came and enjoy the food yesterday!! ninghn nina simon rea meli louisa ,,come again okkk haha

Libur natall ...

Akhirnya..gw bebass!!! selesaiii deh itu smua assignments gw slama sminggu trakhir ini. seumur2 ga pernah loh gw yg namanya bener2 begadang ga tidur smskali.. yang ada biasa kalo terpaksa begadang paling malem juga jam 3an.. kemarenan ini, yah sminggu trakhir ini lah. gw tidur jam 7 pagi saja loh, dan bangun jam 10 pagi... parah, gw k uni uda kaya zombie gitu. untung ada inka nemenin chatting hehe..trims ka! trus kalo uda pagi biasa ktmu yaya ama dian juga.. jadi bisa online ama anak2 di indo deh :) tapi bener, gila ni module trakhir gw applied ecology... ahhh...legaaa dan senanggg!! tadi presentation gw juga beres, trus lab report beres, poster beres, essay beres... yayyyyy

There's no use in trying when the pieces don't fit anymore
-James Morrison-

Christmas spirit

I love lazy Sundays :) after waking up early to do some work this morning, now am just lazying around in the living room with Irma. Watching old christmas songs on tv, whilst lazily blogging/chatting and talking on the phone with some people.. plus our living room is sparkling clean as we've just cleaned it. Ahhh what a nice life.. I can smell the rice being cooked too, contentment. simply, pure joy..can feel the christmas spirit slowly coming!!!

it truly feels like holiday already if i can just get through the next two days filled with presentation, making poster and writing journal..in which i will surely do! :)

Just finished updating my photo collections of Yoon Eun Hye hehe... she reminded me a lot a lot like Jeanne. Totally love her new photoshoot for the korean vogue (see above). The short hair suits her much better compared to the long one before. Anyway, ive been in full working mode since yesterday and guess what, i'm actually being pretty damn productive! truth to be told, i think i learn a hell lot from this applied ecology course. which was good. In fact, if you asked me, I can hardly recall what i've actually learnt these past 2 years in uni. I can recall perfectly well what I learnt in A levels, but nope not the ones in uni. I guess my brain ability just seem to decrease as i get older lol..but yah as I mentioned before, this course at least I can truly say I really 'absorbed' much of the taught modules and the other so-called transferable skills that SRL taught us. Not bad huh.

And Japan here I come in exactly ONE week...cant wait to go there and see Inka too!! wooohoooo.....................then followed by going back home and visiting mom in Spore :) !!

Friday night and here I am sitting in front of my laptop doing coursework.
.... .... ....
not much can be said
I am indeed a nerd
^__^ *~~

Random ajah

Hari ini gw ngrasa kaya ga ada energi buat ngapa2in sm skali deh.. tadi bangun kesiangan jadi miss lecture yang jam 9.30, trus dateng ke skolah ikut lecture jam 11 n ga guna juga krn gw ga konsen smskali (tp bukan gw aja sih, nina sama fran juga yg duduk sbelah2 gw sama2 ga konsennya kok,,jadi intinya salahkan lecturer yg amat sgt membosanka, pdhl topiknya menarik sih tentang river ecology gituh). Jam 12 lunchtime louisa sms ngajak lunch bareng, ya udah gw samperin di saf cafe as usual..duduk2 bentar ngobrol, trus uda makin ngantuk aja gw..akhirnya pulanglah saya dan dgn sukses nya skip lecture sore yang jam 2-4. Pulang..uda pulang juga masi aja ga mood mau ngapa2in, padahal ada 1 paper en 1 lab report yang mesti gw bikin (dan gw belom mulai sm skali..mati aja deh. pdhl due dlm sminggu). Akhirnya mutusin buat nelpon indo dan ngobrol2 ama orang2 yg gw kangenin.. nah membantu loh, finally setelah menghabiskan hampir 1/2 hari ini dgn do nothing yg berguna, akhirnya sore ini mood kerja gw dateng juga. syukurlah...

November Birthdays and a few more bits and pieces

Indosoc dinner (the 1st time I came during these 3yrs! lol..the laksa was nice tho)

Happy birthday darling :) ! thanks for the fab food hehehe...

Cooking time (um I dont actually help..more like I watch and eat)

Seymour House, Brunswick :) (ma, we really shd get 3-double-bedroom nice flat like this one next year hehe....)

Alex visited London! havent seen him in absolutely AGES!

Am so tired and cant feel my legs. Basketball is a REALLY good exercise. Somehow cant imagine how fit i must be back then in highschool when i played basketball 2-3 times a week and riding 4-5 times a week as well. but i must say i always enjoy that exhausted yet satisfied feeling after a good exercise. Anyway, I've decided am gonna be a really good girl and stay in for the rest of next week due to the fact that I went out almost every night last week..which was fun indeed but now i realise im still completely clueless on doing biodiversity indexes and there are a hell lot of carabid and spider data waiting to be analysed. My days are going to be filled with statistical treatments and tests next week as I foresee it. I've done my bits of reading today. I actually sped through six chapter of the philosophy of woodland, also the nice bits i like are the chapters from this conservation biology book by Primack. still..there are three to four more heaps of textbooks i must go through. Last week was fun. Meeting David at Carina's place was fun :) catching up with him and Manveer. Can't believe she's going to get married next June!! Too bad David cant come more often from St Andrew, otherwise we all can have get together more often..Then been seeing Simon, Louisa, Jo, Nina and Miri for meals.. Silvia's birthday dinner was yesterday as well. (lots lots of November birthdays! ninghan,silvia,k'bq,tasha,laras,ivan,novi,angel..happy bday to you all!) . Then we had Indosoc dinner also the previous night made me realise how I have no idea who my juniors are in imperial *sigh*. These days I dont even take notes of the dates anymore, days simply flew so fast. In less than a month i'll be on the flight back to Spore/Japan/Indo..wohoo.. cant wait!! Looking fwd to meet Inka .. looking fwd to meet you back home as well .. and of course my lovely horses :)

I guess i havent updated my blogs as often as I used to do. Not really due to lack of time, but merely due to lack of wanting to remember things (if you get what i mean). I'm the type of person who likes to keep bits and pieces from the past, jotted down good memories, took pictures, wrote a journal, keeping all the birthday cards/xmas cards and then keep all those precious memories tucked away inside a box neatly so I can go back in time whenever I feels like it. I like the past. Im more of a person who perceive the past as something that has made me the person I am today. I did not hate or love the past, more like I cherish it and learn to accept it day by day.

No more guppies

Puas!! ahahaha... akhirnya mini-project gw tentang guppies selesaiii :) :) yayy...ah nothing beats rasanya kalo baru nyelesaiin suatu big assignment dan u know dat u did well.

Legaa..

bisa tidur nyenyakk..

i need my beauty sleep heheh..

Td gw n ti br ktmuan ama alex pang, sayang cmn bentar cos he need to get back to Norwich. but as they all say, people change. they really do. It was fun tho, a quick trip down that concord-memory-lane once in a while was indeed refreshing. Spoken to Yan as well just now for a good long chat whilst I was curled up under the big duvet in the living room with a cup of teh tarik..relaxing. Then yesterday I chat wt yaya as well for sometime. Not bad..this weekend I've got a good dose from everyone that i've kinda missed :)

Daybreak

This morning I woke up groggily as usual around 5am..throw some proper clothes on and went down to catch the 5.30 am tube (one more plus point of my new flat : tube station is literally just downstairs! yay). I was actually thinking to catch the later tube because there is no sunlight until 7.05 but oh well i was thinking to just spend the time waiting with Loki inside his warm stable. Arrived at the stable, took Loki out and tied him up outside while I mucked out his stable. And here's the funny thing.. it was so windy and the sound of the wind blowing was quite scary. I could swear that Loki was looking at me with big-puppy-eyed stare which seemed to say "Can I go back into my warm nice and comfy stable pretty pleeassee..?". It strikes me as funny because usually he acts so high and mighty when he was tied up outside, but this morning he just looked at me pleadingly to be allowed back into his box. Of course I ignored his stares, but I kept talking to him whilst I was mucking out his stable..as he's always been a scaredy cow when it comes to windy moments. Anyway, all turns out well in the end and we had a good one-hour flatwork. After a good ride is one of the moments when I feel the greatest :)

happy.. what a nice Saturday :)

susah yah menghilangkan seseorang dari hati dan pikiran..
bener deh, apalagi dihari2 lagi ujan mulu.. rainy windy mau keluar rumah juga males. jadi mellow deh pikiran gw melanglang buana..
"The heart is the place where we live our passions. It is frail and easily broken, but wonderfully resilient. There is no point in trying to deceive the heart. It depends upon our honesty for its survival" -Leo Buscaglia-

oh wait actually there was one nice surprise today, whilst i was waiting for the-number88-bus-that-never-came-in-the-end in Picadilly..an old friend gave me a call :) It was Alex, he's coming down from Norwich this weekend. At least he kept me company whilst i was waiting for the bloody bus. That's the one and only thing that make me smile today i think. Blah today was the day in which i should have just stayed in bed. really.
Ok back to my long-overdue dinner now.

The rants of a commuter

I absolutely hate London transport today!!
it took me THREE hours to get back home from riding!!! whilst normally it took me 40 minutes door-to-door!!!!!
OMG
NEVER ever again

...totally ruins my mood for the rest of the night.....................................................

Bingung

Akhir2 ini banyak pikiran deh. Bingung saya..tadinya uda berniat yakin 100 % ni mau ngambil master langsung pas abis uda lulus taun depan. Uda research dgn lengkap pula, ampe uda bikin personal statement, urus transcript nilai & diskusi ama personal tutor gw.. ehh minggu lalu nelpon nyokap, malah disaranin kenapa ga langsung nyari kerja aja? nah gimana ga bingung dan sebal saya..

Tadinya mereka yang bilang ni, ya uda ambil master aja langsung ,toh cuman staun ini.. trus gw bole ambil subject mana aja. ya uda donk, gw pikir..okey gw ambil master di subject yg gw enjoy saja..ya ga? uda milih tuh gw, animal bio ato conservation sci. uni juga uda milih, tetep di Imperial ato pindah Royal Veterinary College...

Nahh trus kmarenan mereka nelpon bilang kalo gw ambil 2 subject diatas itu, prospek masa depannya kurang cerah di indo. Nah gw juga tau gitu, emang iya banget kalo kerja di conservation itu bener2 depends on funding, political condition etc etc.. tapi selama ini gw berprinsip, why noy do something yang gw bener2 suka gitu loh..kita hidup juga cuman sekali ini, ga bakal keulang lagi ya ga.Kalo gw mau egois sih, gw bisa aja bilang ama bonyok kalo gw cuman mau kerja di dunia berkuda aja.. tapi kan gw juga masi realistis donk, i mean i got a good degree from a good uni..kan sayang kalo di wasted. jadi yah niat awal mau kerja di conservation.. nah skarang?? bingung aja lagi..heran deh bonyok gw maunya apa siiyy kadang2 ..huhu

Stress response

Yesterday morning we had a lecturer from Hammersmith hospital, about stress response thingy in animals and how it affects their physiology.Interestingly, there are different types of stress in which am not gonna talk abt it in here since its long winded. One thing i remembered was that he said us, as final year students are more likely to be in this type of constant stress, but not over the threshold. Also that our body can cope with stress just fine as long as after each period of stress, it has to find a way to go back to the relaxed, happy state for a bit..before it can survive yet another period of stress.
Me : 'thank goodness for horses' (Loki in particular)
One of my classmate : 'oh no... how can i stop stressing, i am stressed all day.'
Me : *grinning*

anyway, point is...thank God i have horses :)
another note, I've finally decided I will do my masters. Yay. One decision made. Whereabouts are still not sure, but I'm going to apply to a few universities and probably go and visit the unis. Anyone for Potters Bar or Silwood park?

Roller-skaters :)

Roller-skating disco was FUN!!

Irma managed to convince me to dressed up in 80-90's legging/brightly coloured tops/leg-warmers (initally I was planning to throw on my usual outfit of jeans and tshirts, for the sake of convenience since I've never rollerskated before..so I was all prepared to take a lot of trip and falls). So here we go, 6 girls in a complete 80's outfit..off we walked to the roller-skate disco which situated nicely only 3 min walk from our apartment.

1st impression : so eighties!!

music : oldies pop (my absolute fav.. yep, me love old school type music)

sooo... after 10-15 min fumbling around wt the skates.. we all managed to skate more or less pretty ok. Sasha was there which was good since she used to be a pro ice-skater back in Malaysia (really cool).

but it was so so fun! i liked it!!! will def. drag more ppl to go there next time.. the addition thats its just across our place is even better :)

Toasties

Seharian drumah.. hmm produktif juga siy, tadi siang ngerjain essay lab reports gw..tdur siang, trus malemnya bangun dan research ttg buat apply masters courses. Dapet toastie lagi buat makan malem dari kote, hehe..lengkap d stay drumah gw sharian ini. Bingung oh bingung...
mau apply ke yang mana yah taun depan??
yang gw suka course nya..jauh banget kampusnya..
yang coursenya yaa okelah, baru deh kampusnya di deket2 sini..
abisnya..
ga mau ninggalin london tercinta ini hehe.. dan flatmates gw tersayang juga :) haha

Suka

Tadi temen gw ada yang nanya, cape ga sih suka ama seseorang yang ga bisa ngebales perasaan kita ? ..

gw jadi mikir, itu cerita gw banget..

dari dulu ampe skarang.. kadang gw mikir kok gw ga cape2 yah suka ama orang yang salah mulu, di timing yang paling salah pula

tapi.. gw mikir lagi, ga kok rasa suka ke seseorang itu, ga bikin cape. sucks memang apalagi kalo orang yg loe suka itu uda punya ce/co lain. tapi..menyukai seseorang itu ga bikin cape. not at all, aneh ya?

ahh mungkin gw memang terlalu suka ber-day dream

Self-esteem gw lagi bagus nih akhir2 ini. senang. Tadi gw baru abis baca2 blog entry gw dari taun lalu..beda yah, kynya yg skrg2 ini gw lebih sering nulis ttg apa yg gw rasain..compare dgn dulu dimana gw nulis apa yg gw lakuin sehari-hari. Merasa content deh saya akhir2 ini. which is bagus bgt :) jadi makin seneng deh gw dengan diri gw yang skarang ini. I like myself more now hehe.. sepertinya dalam setaun ini gw merasa banyak berubah. well, mentally of course. kalo di sum up ya gw uda ngrasain yang namanya bersenang-senang di awan (biarpun belum tinggi bgt di awannya..untungnya) trus langsung jatuh ke basement terbawah. yang ya iyalah sucks tingkat tinggi sekaliii tapi jadi bikin gw beda aja.. itu ngerubah diri gw in a way yang gw juga ga tau dan ga bisa describe seperti apa. tapi its towards the good ones. Nah itu kan baru satu..yang satu lagi, gw uda ngerasain juga gimana rasanya kalo, umm..rada susah memberi metafora utk yang satu ini. hm..kaya misalnya ada orang mau ngasi loe es krim cokelat, nah es krim itu ditaro di depan mata loe..tapi tiap mau loe ambil, eh makin jauh dan makin jauhh aja. Nah nyebelin juga kan tuh, tapi yang ini juga uda somehow ngerubah gw deh..dan untuk yang ini, gw bisa bilang kalo gw emang uda done dengan dia. Gw nyadar kemaren, pas dimana gw bisa dengan cueknya ngobrol ama dia..trus dengan ga tau dirinya minta pinjem jkt dia krn dingin anginnya(ini mengingat gw uda ga ngomong ama dia sejak uhmm.. 4-5 bulan kalo ga salah. tips : ga ketemu orang yang loe pengen hapusin dari pikiran loe, cara termanjur!)

ya gitu deh sekedar apa yg gw rasain skrg.. rada random memang, maap buat yang ga ngerti maksud dan tujuan dari post gw ini heheh

A place that I can always call home

Tadi gw baru baca blog temen berkuda gw, mia & nadia..dan dsitu mereka mention Fesol. Jadi keinget, masi ga percaya gw rasanya kl Fesol uda pergi duluan ninggalin kita semua. tp gw jg yakin kok sol, u'll still be watching us from above there rite :) Anyway, gw cuma mendadak jadi kangen aja ama temen2 berkuda di indo.. Its with you guys that i grew up. Banyak deh ga bisa gw sebutin satu2 loe smua, tapi dipikir2 bener juga.. bbrp waktu lalu gw lagi crita2 ama artati, n kita ngomongin tempat yg we can truly call home. Sampe skarang (ditambah dgn gw skolah di london skrg..) beneran loh jadi bingung sebenernya gw ngrasa kya punya 2 rumah di 2 dunia yg berbeda gitu, London & Jakarta. Jangankan 2 rumah, diri gw sendiri aja slightly beda kok disini dan di indo. Tapi ada satu tempat yg selalu bisa gw rasa kaya pulang kerumah sendiri, satu tempat di jakarta.. Trijaya :) biarpun hampir semua, malah uda semua kali yah..temen2 berkuda seangkatan gw termasuk pelatih, groom n kuda2 kita semua uda ga di trijaya lagi..but still thats the one place where i've been to for almost every day of the week for 6-7 years. Tiap balik indo pasti gw suka main kesana lagi, liat2 kuda2 skolah yg dulu suka gw naikin..Kencana (kuda pertama yg gw pake tanding, dulu aja dia uda 15-17 taun..he must be like 25-28 yrs old now). trus groom2 yg masi ada, dan yah bernostalgia aja gitu. dan diitung2, gw uda naik kuda skitar 13 taun skarang, uda lebih dari 1/2 hidup gw yah..hehe (kan gw skrg umur 21). Nostalgic banget kalo inget2 jaman dulu tiap hari minggu pagi jam 8, group lesson ama om james bareng tasha putri sammy alyssa.. ah those sweet old times :) kangen.

Tooth-fairy

One word : dental treatment here are much better compared to the ones back home :) It didnt hurt at all!!
and just now whilst I was walking back from the dentist to library, I had a sudden vision of myself living in Fulham road, working and actually living here sometime in the future.
Nice, cool weather makes me loves London more.

This time of the year

Actually to think of it, this year I had much more free time on my timetable compared to last year's. Animal behaviour module is also the one module i've been waiting for impatiently ever since I was a fresher. Studywise, not much problem. I guess we really REALLY need to get our interenet connection up and runnning asap at our new flat, otherwise, I can't do my work at home. Starting to get quite fed up having to stay in college searching for journals and saving them to read later at home whilst I actually can just go home and do it IF only BT will get our phone line sorted!
And these days, with all these companies presentations to attend..it makes me feel like its A-level all over again, all the shiny prospectuses of universities were equal to the shiny booklet from each company, being given to us..soon-to-be graduates who are currently at a very confused state in what to do after they graduate. At least I'm not the only one.

Undescribed

Good signs that happier days are more and gloomy days are less recently. Sometimes problems from people around you affect your mood. Also living here, back in London, means it is back to my normal routine where all my activity is well..centered on me really. We're all nicely sorted in our new flat now. St.George Wharf. Damn nice view.. I had resumed my usual jogging routine along the river, with occasional stops to London eye when I feels like it, but most of the times I like this small tiny park near the Albert embankment. I like to organise my thoughts when running, but I can't switch off like when I'm riding. Riding is the best because I always automatically switch off all other thoughts when riding :) oh for the note, Loki is getting FAT. I mean really, but he's still Loki. He nipped me when he saw me again for the first time, that's his way of saying hi. Went on a shopping spree in Frogpool Manor today wt Hazwan (thanks LOTS for driving me there and waiting te!), I've been thinking to go there since last year as I needed to renew most of my riding kits (e.g : my poor GPA helmet which I bought in 2001 and been through some really hard falls since then). My best item today : new long tall black leather boots :) ! yays! I used to had one pair of them made-to-order-but-didnt-fit, left them back home as cant be bothered to lug them all the way here. And i got new bridle for dear Zinnie! hope she can fit to it nicely :) its brown and smelt like fresh new leather. Now I really want to go back home and ride my horses.....if only someone can ship them all here maybe? yeah i wish lol.

Kangen..

Aneh ya, gw kok bisa sih kangen sama orang yang bahkan gw contact tiap hari aja ga.

Tapi bener deh, kangen amat sangat!! kalo mau tidur, yg gw bayang2in dia.. kalo lagi bengong, dia lagi. lagi masak, dia juga. lagi denger lagu, dia lagi dan lagi.. astagaa, dulu ga separah ini lho.

Kalo gw pikir dengan menyeluruh..sebenernya gw ga bisa pinpoint exactly apa sih yang bisa bikin gw ga bisa ngehapusin orang yang satu ini dari pikiran gw. Bener ga bisa. ga nemu tepatnya.

Jeleknya dia..gw tau smua. Baiknya, gw juga tau. Dongo2nya..itu apalagi, tau dgn super baik dah gw. Tapi kok bisa yah ampe skarang pun dia masi adaaa aja di pikiran gw ? ada yang bisa ngasi jawaban mungkin ?

bener deh kata Jack Johnson di lagunya, he's a fortunate fool. bener bangett..

dan satu lagu lagi (juga dari si pak Johnson), better together (kalo ini sih yang gw mau yah haha).

As everyone's life around me seems to be in so much drama these past weeks, my life in comparison feels pretty calm and ordered. I guess we sort of in the pause mode after all the drama last week. Actually after I think about it, its not a drama..its just something we should have done all those years back. What lydia said was correct, after I said all I wanted to say to him...it made me really accept the reality. The reality as for the current moment, sucks for me. but as I said before as well, I am a different person here and there. When I am here, you and those world we once shared..really do feels far away, distant. When I am back there, suddenly we both always fell back to that path where we always been since that time. We always do. Cant wait for December really. I'm not having my head up in the clouds anymore, cos I know daydreaming sucks when the harshness of reality is being put straight out in front of your face. For now, I'm contended :) I decided to stop looking for the answers, cos I knew when the time is right, then it will present itself.

The Prophet

Akhirnya gw bisa cukup lega dan actually bangga dgn diri gw sendiri. Kalo dipikir2, sebenernya its not that big a deal..tapi yang gw lakuin kmaren itu its so out of nowhere. Thanks banget buat my lovely girls yang uda slalu ngedukung gw, sampe bahkan Dian nemenin gw baca email nya juga :) Skarang gw uda ga akan self denial lagi, karena dengan itu bahkan akan makin susah buat gw bisa bener2 move on dari perasaan gw. Slama feeling itu masi ada, then let it be..gw ga akan try untuk menghilangkannya. Tadi gw buka2 n baca2 buku The Prophet-nya Kahlil Gibran, ada sepenggal kalimat yang gw suka : "in the end, love will choose you if you are worth to be chosen for" kira2 kaya gitu..bagus kan? nah gw skarang sih jujur masi blom mau give up, gw masi punya harapan untuk dimasa depan. Tapi untuk skarang ini, gw cukup bisa nerima how things are untuk now. Cukup senang dengan diri saya yang sepertinya uda berubah skarang..hehe thanks my dear sisters yg jauh di sana!

Part of me ngrasa sedih krn sepertinya ini adalah akhir dari segalanya. Part of me ngrasa bangga krn gw aja ga tau gw punya keberanian itu. Akhir kata, sama sperti yang smua orang slalu bilang ke gw, let time tell. Iya kan?

Day one back in London

I'm back in London

I wish I can stay in Indo longer. Things are different, here and there. I am a different person, here and there too. I think I might have done the most stupidest thing ever on my last day back home, but its the thing that has been bugging my mind a lot. I didnt regret saying it. and I have reasons to say it too. Its just, I wish sometimes I can just do things without thinking too much about how others will react. I wish things were different. and the one thing I wish more than ever is if only I can turn back time. Ironically, I know if we stay together, then I wouldnt realise how much I actually cared for him. The period of absence makes me realise that no one can replace you. I tried to, believe me. I wanted to find your replacement, so bad, but nothing works. Everything I tried failed. In the end, my heart always turns back to you. hmmh.

This is frustrating! if only I'm back home for good then I know exactly what to do. Its only since now I no longer believe that long distance relationship will work, so I can do nothing. You too. You also no longer believe in it. so, final point : we're both stuck in a position where we can do nothing at all. How crappy is that.

Tok tok..

Apa yang bakal loe lakuin kalo seseorang yang loe cukup care itu ternyata bisa sangat bodoh kadang2x ? ada deh seseorang yang penting buat gw, tetapi dia itu terkadang amat sangat bodoh..dan seringkali memungkiri hal itu. Pusing juga, ya ga sih? abisnya mau bikin dia sadar juga ga segampang itu. Ditambah lagi, secara orang itu dan gw hidup di dua negara yang berbeda pula. Yah semakin ga ada harapan aja gimana cara gw membuat dia sadar ya.. sebenernya dia mungkin uda tau jawabannya, tapi avoid untuk mengakui mungkin? ato sama seperti gw, yang dulu dimana gw orang yang sering self denial.. tapi sekarang ini gw uda ngerasa cukup berubah. secara sekarang gw selalu berusaha buat jujur ama diri gw sendiri.. abisnya kalo ngebohongin diri sendiri, cape lama2. dan itu juga ga perna nyelesaiin masalah kok.

Fantasi yang menjerumuskan!

Kayanya sindrom gw yang sekarang ini adalah menulis blog kalo gw lagi bete deh. Argh ya siapa coba yg ga sebel. loe perna ga siy ngerasain berada di langit ketujuh terawang2 diatas sana dengan angin semilir menerpa, eh mendadak terhempas jatuhhhh ampe ke basement parkiran pim 2 yang ampe sebawah B3! sangat amat ga bangettt. sebel! sumpah sebel abis. dan secara gw juga ga bisa menuliskan detail knapa gw merasa shitty seperti sekarang inii..berhubung cukup banyak orang yang tau dan ngebaca blog ini. jadi yah seperti skarang deh gw hanya bisa berkeluh kesah anonymously seperti ini. Intinya, gw bingung deh dengan diri gw sendiri.. gw serinngg banget jadi terlalu mudah seneng karena hal2 kecil, dan mulai berfantasi sendiri tanpa memperdulikan realitas yang ada. Trus buntut2nya setelah realita itu ditaroh gede2 di depan mata gw.. gw akan ngerasa omg kenapa gw bisa sebodoh itu dan bahkan sampe berani ngebayangin hal yang uda super jelas ga akan kejadian dalam waktu dekat ini, dan mungkin juga will never happen selamanya. blahblah.

Bluetooth ???

Muahaha.. i just came back from a fun night out with my girls. :) i realised no one had changed too much in the past 5 years we had known each other. We still can make people stared at us cos we laughed and talked too loud, and of course took too many pics. One annoying thing : I cant seem to make the bluetooth device in this computer to work! so i cant upload my pic cos the my laptop had been reformatted (one -t?) and i didnt bring the CD needed to install the programme needed to upload pics from my mobile :(

I really really doesnt want to go back London just yet.. .. ..

Me and Irma postponed our flight until 13 Sept.. the latest we can get :(

Some rants and more

Blah..after lots of talks here and there, I havent come up yet with even a satisfactory decision. I think all of you whom i've been bugging with the same repeated story this past week surely knows what i'm ranting about. Anyway, despite that thing.. horsy life been wonderful. Zinnie's training been going on smoothly so far, and she sure is a fast learner. Brave. Polite. Honest. So far she shows really favourable characters to be a good jumper like her mum, Kim.

I've been dividing my time between Bandung and Jakarta. To train for the upcoming Sentul competition and to spend my time socialising in Jakarta. I even dragged Tephi and Lydia to keep me company in Bandung for a few days.. Met Lyd's friends as well there, in which I must say a pretty interesting experience. Imagine, 2 girls (us) plus 10 guys (we only knew 1 of them) err.. ..

These days I feel like running out of time. If only I am back here for good, then I will surely know how to deal with this. Its only because I might not be back for at least another 2 years, which make me confused in what to do next. Shall I act now or wait until I am back here for good? advices so far from lots of people : wait. me thinking for myself : act now. huh. I realise i'm always been a good daydreamer, but in making decisions..dont ask. i can be so bad at it. There's another thing, in which what Lyd told me.. is that I am currently in a very confused state in what to do with my life in general. I am actually thankful that I still have one more year before I finish this degree, since currently I am at a total lost in what to do after I graduate. Lyd said that deep down I already know the answer, she also told me to follow my feeling. but even now I am doubting my own instict.

The answer

Not being together made us learn a lot about ourselves. I learnt a hell lot more these past two years about myself, my feelings, my strength and weaknesses. Now I got the one answer that I have been searching for ever since. I trust you and I will be right here :)

TC

I realise I am still as horse-crazy as the little girl 14 years ago. I just came back from four days of training like crazy in Bandung Equestrian Centre, where I kept all my horses now. My days were filled with horses and horses and more horses. It reminds me of the old times in training centre with my old teammates back then when I still competed actively. My last couple of days were like this : Waking up at 7.30, prepared the horses and rode for about 4 straight hours..from 8-12 noon. I ride 4 horses each morning..then went back to eat and sleep a bit. Rode again from 15.30-18.00, usually 2 horses in the afternoon. I cant feel my legs and my whole body ache after just four days, but I feel so damn high after each exercise. The physical exercise were even more tiring, yesterday we had to gallop each horse 4.5km twice in both direction..I rode three horses. Its so tiring but I admit it work wonders, Chief's breathing capability is much better now compared to last year. I rode Zinnie, the baby, only 3 1/2 yrs old but she's so matured and calm..she's cute though since she got no clue how to canter just yet. Still, no matter how tiring it is, but i can never get enough of horses and of riding. The split-second exhilirating feeling when we jumped a high fence.. I will never ever get sick of it.I admit, riding is in my blood and will always do. I envy others whose life revolves around horses 24/7, but I guess I'm a pretty lucky girl as of the current moment as well. I wish I can stay there forever and ride twice a day all the time.. I'm coming back there next week though, since I have to train with Chief to compete in the upcoming Sentul competition. yays! at least next week will have the friends to keep me more company there, and maybe even more.

A night out in Jakarta

I'm sick ! :( sore throat..

My immune system must have been really down.. i got sick after only one night out clubbing. huh. anyway centro was not too bad that night, i very rarely go and club here in Jakarta. I prefer london clubs :) but here is not too bad too, esp with great company ! hehe. And the even better thing we stayed at Yaya's apartment afterwards, so no need to go home :) and we can even see the sunrise becos clubs here close damn late until 4.30 ish. The only bad thing, at least one had to stay sober to drive because sadly taxis and buses here are kind of hopeless.

Ah about the closure thing I mentioned in my last post, I take it back. I'll (try) to fight for it in the long run.. in the meantime, i feel great. I feel unbeatable.

Blah, i guess i was being too melodramatic the past few days. Now i feel much better. The attention had stopped. Not that I want it to continue, but to be honest i do miss it a bit..a teeny-weeny bit. Yesterday I made a deal with myself to respect a certain person's decision. This is it, I can finally start to think that this is the real closure.. no more hanging in between. No more loose ends.

I really can start to see the silver lining of the whole thing, after this long.

fiuhhh...

but sometimes I still wonder why I always attract the wrong person. at the wrongest time.

My summer so far

After a long long talk in Coffee Bean.. :) Lydia, me, Tephi and Dwi. We've all been there, done that. Curly fries and fried chickens to satisfy our hunger after talking for almost three straight hours.

Bestie. Me and Dian.. Meeting up for coffee in PIM 2. you're the best always di :)

Indonesian Open 2007.. horsy girls reunion! ex-team mates..we've survived lots together. we've grown up, and some stays in horsy world, some moved on.. but this weekend we all came to meet up once again during one of the biggest competition of the year in Arthayasa.. :) Alyssa, Tasha, me and Sammy.

In Karawaci, UPH..after picking up Dian..wander around BSD and expanding my knowledge about that area in general. Luckily Dwi was with me, my sense of direction can be really hopeless at times *sigh lol

Tarq 2004 ! how i miss you guys..Went to Tarq, saw OH.. saw our juniors. Realised that its been three years since we graduated from there. Time flies, people change, friends stay :)

Some pics to sum up my days here. :)

Gloom..

Ah, what a gloomy day :(
I was driving my lovely ford escape.. it was a rainy night today. Me and Dwi were on our way back home from PIM.. we put on mellow, sad-ish songs..started to talk about why shit do happens, plus it rained..and the traffic was bad. We actually wanted to buy drinks.. but sadly we got no place to drink. ah if only this is London, I will definitely heads to one of our usual cocktail-drinking hangouts on Kings road and started drowning my sorrow (?) in tequila//vodka shots.
This sounds really depressing i know..

Sad sad life.. actually not sad life, i gues sadness or happiness really depends on how you look at things. Say, my current problems are not actually that big if say, compared to a person who for example had lost all his savings or his house fell down etc. Mine is more like me thinking too much and worrying too early for things that may not even happen. I like the feeling of being liked by someone, but i hate myself for being too nice and giving false hopes to that certain person. For the current moment, I'm felling very shitty due to the fact that I know I was being such a bad person..Firstly by letting someone go in the first place, but now thinking that i may want that person back even though it just simply not possible anymore. Secondly, for selfishly enjoying the attention from someone..and may even giving that person false hopes, just because I feel like it and he is here.
I'm in real need of a distraction right now. and why the hell is everyone asleep already??!

Home sweet home :)

Ahh i'm finally back home!!

havent got internet for the whole first week here due to my house just been renovated..finally today got the lovely internet back :) yay!

My house changed completely (of course cos it was knocked down and then built again duh*), i like my new room..got space for all my manga and books collection hehe

My dear friends are the same, how i love spending time with all of them again :) updating each other and gossiping of course. Met my horses too, spend four whole days at Indonesia Open 2007 and how i was itching to get on a horse and compete!! Went to visit my old riding school in Trijaya and SKJP too.. horsy people are the best! they stay the same too..met up with my horsy friends and my trainers too.. Kim and Chief are still fit and jumping as good as ever! Ferry and Steven did such great job riding them both and keeping them in shape. Kim got 2nd in120 cm open class and Chief got 1st in 110cm open. I realise both of them aged already now.. cant really push them too much.

Sometimes i think i'm able to change who I am, I tried once and ended up fretting and regretting it ever since. I know I was stupid before, and no matter what i do..turning back time is the one thing I really want to do but unable to sadly. If only I can go back to that day, almost two years ago now..Even though now i'm still unsure why my feelings seems to always turn back to that certain person again, but the truth is that i do regret what i did back then, a lot. I've changed a lot too, i wouldn't say for the better..but now I know to always, always be honest with myself. Not pretending. Not ignorant. Not taking anything for granted. Not lying. Ah.. regret always came a tad bit too late. but things happen for a reason, its just i realise this a bit too late. very fucking late actually.

I got no rights to do anything about it now, I tried to replace you and everytime it seems to work for awhile, then i realise that for now, i still cant. You are and always going to be that one in between, its tiring to pretend otherwise.

And this is for YOU, not you. I always got a soft spot for you, but maybe i'm cruel because i know im just happily enjoying your attention. but i know you know what i think, and you know i will be gone in a month and we will not see each other for another year at least.. so lets see where the wind blows and where we will end up :)