Mika – Happy Ending

This is the way you left me,I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

Wake up in the morning, stumble on my life
Can't get no love without sacrifice
If anything should happen, I guess I wish you well
A little bit of heaven, but a little bit of hell
This is the hardest story that I've ever told
No hope, or love, or glory
Happy endings gone forever more

Listening to this song used to make me feel sad, but i've listened to it again recently and it doesn't make me feel sad anymore. Yay :) (pic above taken frm a fajr's fs page tx!)

Self-contentment

I've never felt stronger before. These days my self-esteem are very good i think. Hehe.. and no this doesn't mean i'm free from all the stress of being a final year biologist, it just simply means that, hmm how do i put this into words? That I can feel myself changing, bit by bit, towards a more realistic me, more.. mature? no, not mature. Its not exactly confidence either, its just a feeling when you feel satisfied with yourself and happy being who you are. Knowing your faults, brave to face your problems and loving yourself a lot more than you used to be. Like someone said to me before, we create problems in our mind and it all just depends on your perspectives. Hmmh... feel sooo good these days :)

It is a well-known fact that when i blog often it means one of these three things :

i'm stressed

i'm bored

i'm exuberantly happy

I wish the number 3 will be the most often reasons, however today i'm blogging due to reason number 1. FINALLY today i can get home before 8 pm! such a relief. Our presentation was pretty crap today, but at least I had a really good long longgg jog just now to clear up my muddled up thoughts. And i went back and cleaned my room/.bathroom, switching to my clean-freak self is another thing i usually do when i'm feeling kind of brain -dead. like now.

Eat and Two Veg

Eat and Two Veg

a vegetarian restaurant located on Marylebone High St :)

Had lunch there with Wilson and Jac today, nice schnitzel! pork but not pork..i think i havent eaten non-asian food for at least a month. And I discovered that Marylebone is a pretty, quaint area, and walking there this afternoon really lifted my mood up.

Been in school since yesterday, then again today..sigh the after-effect of procrastinating is NOT fun. Totally underestimated the amount of work we had to do :(

Food for thought(?)

I've eaten three expired food products for my dinnner today. Amazing.

Usually i'm one of those people who will finish all their food in the fridge waayyy before the expiration date, however these past week i've been busy as hell thus hardly had any chance to gobble down the remaining food in my fridge.

What i've just eaten : mushroom, bacon and hazelnut yogurt (the mushroom and bacon were cooked with pasta, of course, not eaten with the hazelnut yogurt).

And our third dance rehearsal in LSE was getting better tonite. yay! but still the saman dance from PPI Prancis was amazing really, go watch in youtube as 'tari saman PPI Perancis' and thats what we're attempting to do (well progressing more likely).

Loved

I just said this in my blog post a few days ago, but am gonna say it again :

I feel so loved :)

happy.. seriously. I just went back from a belated-birthday dinner with Louisa and Simon in Mangosteen. Good food, great company. What more can I say. I feel truly blessed indeed :) thank you (again) dear friends, all of you had really made me feel extra-special and very much loved during my birthday this year *hugs and lots of kisses* !!

From the pre-birthday chocolates sent from my cousin in Brighton, midnight celebration with Irma and Mira at our lovely flat, Loki's company in the morning (yes he does count even tho he is a horse), lunch with Carina plus the cake surprise, shopping spree with Irma and Silvia in the afternoon, then the surprise gathering at night (thanks to manda & nti who've ran literally to wongkei and frantic-candle-searching xp, yan who came all the way even tho she was ill, and silv and irma...hugss super big hugs for you guys!), ended with drinking too much with Irma all night lol. Yummy dimsum lunch wt ninghn, mt, lex, wilson ...cant believe this IS our last year in bio :), then finally the last one is dinner today wt simon and louisa.

Love u to bits everyone!!!!!

My timetable for the rest of this week

Okay, sleeping for 11 hours straight last night was probably not such a good idea after all. It left me feeling lethargic throughout the whole day today actually. And I've been in school from 8.30-5 pm now.. Wanna go home but have to go to LSE for rehearsal. Arghh why do I let Silvia talk me into participating (again) in Indo nite this yearr.... at least we're doing the Saman dance in which i dont mind doing cos we dont have to wear kebaya (i cant fit into mine anymore, the last time i wore it was like in 1st year concord...when i was still thin enough haha..but seriously it doesnt fit me anymore sigh). Anyway, panic mode will be on very VERY soon because me and louisa is still in 0 % in doing our NGF project !!!

damnn...

argh............................

then tomorrow all day competing in UCL.. bday dinner at night with simon and louisa

then thursday gonna watch lion king..

then friday another rehearsal in LSE

then saturday riding and basketball and cny dimsum

omg when the hell will i find time to do proper work!!

panic mode : ON

Small little world

I guess as you get older, the more often it is to cross paths with people who know each other. Strange, what a small little world we live in. Isn't it ?

I feel loved :) :) ! Thanks again for everyone for the birthday wishes, wish I could name you one by one but then you all know who you are. Love you all to bits, and to some, miss you guys so much as well !! and I need to sleep, some serious long, dreamless, sleep.. much needed indeed. Dunno how I was coping these three days with just 3-4 hours sleep per night. I need my beauty sleep hehe..

Catch 22

22 today!!

on 2 feb :)

okay i might write something really stupid here but blame it on the wine-champagne-and chocolates lol. Overall had a very VERY enjoyable birthday today :) one of the best ever. Started with champagne and chocs at 12 midnite on 1 feb with irma and mira..slept at 3 am then actually (im proud of myself for actually waking up!) go ride Loki in the morning by 6am tube. Rode him in flat went superb, he did counter-canter damn well now... still got some over-excitement in doing flying changes though. It was FREEZING this morning!!!! what with the temperature around 0-1 C and i wear three layers of clothings doesnt help. Then went home, lunch with Carina in Arang. This nice small korean restaurant in Picc circ....got another bday cake there. Shopping spree wt irma and sil, went home and found Manda and Artati hiding in the kitchen (hehee tx guys seriously i thot ure all gg join us in clubbing which didnt happen in the end xp xp). Then got my 3rd bday cake :) :)

thanksss everyone!! cant act mention ur name one by one but yah..thanks a hell lot! today was one of the best birthdays i've ever had :) !!

*hugs and kisses!!!*

Billy Elliot the Musical

Teacher :

"Billy, how does it feels like when you are dancing ?"

Billy :

" I can't really explain it

I haven't got the words

It's a feeling that you can't control

I suppose it's like forgetting, losing who you are

And at the same time, something makes you whole"

'Electricity' from Billy Elliot the Musical :)

One of the best musical i've ever seen. Big hugs to irma and mira who had convince me to go and watch, since i'm always been a bit apprehensive to watch a musical due to previous experience when I fell asleep during Phantom of the Opera. And don't stare at me in shock, because for you all Phantom might be one of the best musical out there, but i'm just not too musical i guess..however I do enjoy Mamma Mia because the songs are very lively/pop-ish (and I love Abba songs). Anyway, that lyrics Billy sang above just really struck me, one word : horse riding.

Anyway, i'm gonna be 22 in about two hours!!

and i've got tomorrow nicely fully booked hehee...strangely, i don't feel that excited turning 22. I just feel..nothing. I even almost forgot that my bday is this weekend if not me checking the timetable last week to check when my essay was due.

I'm turning 22 on the 2nd day of the 2nd month and i live in flat 222 (ignore this end bit).

i love 2's !

Foggy Monday

Imperial Idol?

not recommended..dont watch, seriously it sucks. but oh well its for charity maybe that what makes so many bio ppl go, including me. It is the SECOND ever i've actually attend some event in imperial in my whole three years.. the first one was a christian union xmas choir sth like that. Haha yeah the antisocial being i am. At least being a treasurer for riding club made me actually step into the student union more often and meet some new faces lol

Owkayy.. been drinking hell lot of vitamin C related food today since i feel like im coming down with a cold blah :( and yesterday night i had the strangest ever dream :

i dreamt the dream in the dream before

if that statement makes any sense, you are smart

otherwise, ignore me as i must be going a bit crazy

Cape parah abis main basket tadi.. sptnya memang bener gw sgt unfit deh akhir2 ini. Tapi enak sih mainnya, senang. at least tadi gw ga trll byk mlakukan kbodohan yg biasanya gw sering bego kan tuh kalo dikasi bola. Tapi pasti deh bsok super pegel.. dan kynya im running a fever jg nih huhuhh gara2 tadi pulang males ganti jeans jadi tetep pake clana basket plus sweater, mana nunggu tube lama abis train nya..jadilah kynya saya akan masuk angin bsok. Btw tadi swaktu lagi mem-vacuum flat dan bersih2 kamar mandi..sekilas mendadak gw mikir, kynya gw harus menemukan suami (dari langit apa yah jatuhnya..pacar saja tak ada hahah) yang sgt bersih deh..soalnya gw akui gw itu sdikit2 obsessive compulsive disorder loh. kya monica di friends. im a clean freak saya akui.. (dan juga diakui oleh irma dan mira yg tinggal bareng gw uda 2 taun ini). bersih2 dan rapi2in itu bikin pikiran tenang..bener loh, bagi yg blm perna mencoba.coba deh. Yes bsok hari minggu dan gw akan bermalas2an dirumah sharian! ada coursework menanti sih... tapi oh well besok sharian pnuh tak ada acara! yayy senang

Gallops

Long weekend for me this week. Went out to the woods with Loki this afternoon, he was damn full of himself! we galloped flat out and it was wicked. At one point, there was this huge wide puddle of water (in which he hated, he hates to get his feet muddy) and he decided to sort of leap/jump at it :) yeah a bit reckless i know but oh well we had fun, don't we Loki ?

I put up old highschool pictures in facebook as 'the way we were' and got so many comments ! i guess my efforts as always being known as the-one-who-carried-a-camera-everywhere since ages ago was pretty good :)

Yay dinner party tonight!!! and long weekend tomorrow :)

Thames

Walked all the way home from Waterloo today, whilst river Thames by my side. Havent done that for a while now, but walking like that made me realise again how I love London a lot! and even now living next to the river, I still love going out and just stare at the water. Its comforting.

Pasar Barito, hanya tinggal kenangan

Goodbye Pasar Barito..

hari ini pasar barito digusur.. tadi gw abis baca2 beritanya di www.kompas.com sedih. Pasar barito in a way adalah salah satu kenangan masa kecil gw, dari sd-smp gw skolah disana trus gereja juga dsana. Jalan-jalan di pasar burung/ayam waktu dulu tiap hari minggu pulang gereja..beli kelinci dan ayam semasa dulu gw suka piara hewan dirumah. Terharu juga tadi gw baca kompas ngeliat banyak masyarakat umum yang turut kontra protes akan penggusuran ini.. trus tadi juga diupdate ama Dian. Ahh.. memang yah heran deh apa sih maunya pemerintah kita ini.. yang ga penting2 digusur, hal2 yang ga penting mulu yang mau diurusin. Bikin busway, ga guna.. so far bikin jakarta macet parah yang ada. Masih banyak hal hal lain yang bisa dan harusnya diperhatiin..

:( kecewa saya.

A penny for your thought in this rainy day

Tadi lagi iseng2 buka friendster, when I came across a blog entry from a friend of mine yang isinya tentang persepsi dia mengenai kenyamanan (wid, nyolong isi blog dikaw yaa hehe). Beberapa hari ini gw lagi banyak berpikir dan basically i think i spent a little bit too much time with my own thoughts. Kadang2 ada hal atau masalah yang dimana loe sebenernya pengen cerita dan minta pendapat dari orang lain, tapi sebenernya diri loe tau bahwa jawabannya yang loe cari itu cuman bisa didapatkan dari diri loe sendiri..dan bahwa sebenernya the so-called-answer you are looking for, you already knew it. Nah, kira2 beginilah perasaan gw dalam beberapa hari ini..yah sebenernya masalah ini uda gw pikirin sejak beberapa bulan lalu sih..its there at the back of my mind all the time. Dan gw tau, seberapapun inginnya gw pengen ngomong dan curhat ke temen2 gw... ga akan nemuin jalan keluarnya & i knew the answer is within myself. Akhirnya hari ini gw sudah memutuskan dan berani untuk bikin keputusan. Hey, growing up is all about making choices..isn't it?

Okeh, balik ke awal posting gw diatas tentang kenyamanan. Temen gw itu nulis kalo sebenernya ga ada definisi yang pasti tentang kenyamanan. Kenyamanan itu adalah perasaan yang cuman bisa loe sendiri yang rasain dan definisiin sebagai sesuatu yang menurut loe nyaman. Contohnya bagi gw, beberapa momen yang menurut gw bisa men-define kenyamanan contohnya nonton Loki makan rumput sambil menghirup udara pagi yang dingin (ini mah kalo menurut orang2 normal yang tidak terkena virus horse crazy sperti gw..ga mungkin suka haha), menghabiskan satu hari penuh sendirian di flat gw sambil baca buku during the weekend ato bangun tidur subuh2 dan took a jog along the river whilst watching London wakes up... anyway sebelum gw menghabiskan satu halaman penuh nulis hal2 yang menurut gw define kenyamanan best for me, intinya yaitu kalo mau kita perhatiin, hal2 kecil dalam hidup sehari2 itu banyak loh yang bisa bikin kita senang.. ..ga usa ngoyo banget untuk jadi orang yang terlalu ambisius dalam hidup, just be thankful for all those little things that makes life worth living really..karena sejujurnya kita (umm this applies to me dan hampir smua temen gw i think) termasuk orang yang sangat SANGAT beruntung dalam hidup ini dibandingkan kalo mau contoh ekstrim, orang2 yang bahkan tidak tahu kapan mereka bisa mendapat makan untuk hari esok.

Satu hal lagi yang dia tulis dalam blog itu yang juga cukup ngena buat gw.. yaitu jangan terlalu ngoyo berusaha dapetin balik apa yang dulu pernah loe punya. Jangan terus berjalan sambil menoleh ke belakang deh...bisa2 nabrak tiang listrik kalo gitu caranya hehe... Kenangan, thats all it is. Emang seneng sih skali2 bisa balik and take a look down that cherished memory lane (warning : jangan keseringan, yang ada either jadi ngerasa makin depresi ato ga pikiran logika loe bakal tertutup oleh bayangan khayalan yang loe bikin sendiri dengan amat kreatifnya haha).. tapi yang masa lalu itu uda lewat. Yang bisa kita lakuin adalah fokus ke masa depan, ke hal2 yang bisa kita capai... Kalo mikirin masa lalu terus, mau dipikir ampe jungkir balik juga itu bakal tetep di masa lalu kok... let time tell kalo kata orang2. Memang, kadang2 ga sabar rasanya untuk nunggu si 'waktu' itu memberi jawaban yang kita mau..pengen rasanya bisa punya mesin waktunya si Doraemon ato nge-fast forward waktu biar bisa liat sebenernya keingininan kita tuh tercapai ga sih di masa depan. Tapi ya itulah hebatnya waktu, seperti suatu quote yang pernah gw baca.. 'the only thing that is guaranteed in life is that it goes on'

Nasi bacang

Kemaren kan critanya gw ama Louisa uda pusing ngerjain tugas neuro di lab, eh pas dia lagi buka2 blog...trus terlihatlah foto2 dimsum yang ada nasi bacang dan charsiu pao. Mendadak langsung deh kita berdua ngidam mo makan dimsum, tadinya mo pergi kmaren malem tp masa malem2 makan dimsum rasanya aneh ah..jadilah tadi siang ini kita pergi ke china town utk ber-dimsum ria di Golden Dragon. Lucu deh biasanya gw dulu ga suka makan bacang, tp entah knapa tadi lg sangat ingin makan itu.. Puas skalii abis makan dimsum, perut kenyang dan hari masih siang (yeap berhubung course gw yang ini emang banyakk benerr free time nya.. cuman 2 jam lecture tiap pagi dari jam 9-11am trus udah deh bebas..tapi sedihnya ga bebas juga sih, berhubung mesti research bahan2 project dan assigment lainnya).

Yah anyway, merasa senang dan puas saja atas dimsum yg sangatt yummy tadii hehe.. :) have to go back to neurobiology now *sigh (dan fyi, neuroscience itu emang kedengerannya keren... dan itulah slh satu alasan gw ambil course yg ini, tapii buat yg mo belajar ato berniat berkarir di bidang ini, gw kasitau aja..susahhhhh nya ampun2an!!!! hikss...skarang aja saya uda takut fail di exam nih argh).

After-effect

Happy birthday Hank!!

Its been awhile since we all get together like these, getting rarer these days since everyone is busier than ever. I slept at 3am last night, woke up at 8am today and did nothing productive until Ajeng called me out for dinner/desert at the creperie. Anikha was there as well, and I met this guy called Tessa who looked sooo familiar, but neither of us could remember when and where we met before so thats a bit funny. In the end we concluded that we must've met during one of those PPI gatherings somewhere sometime ago.

I'm still feeling continuously sleepy..hoahm. Never had bouts of jetlag as long as these before.. *sigh

Its 2008

I went back for christmas holiday this year. A single sentence to describe my holiday ? it was short, yet sweet. It was not enough time to meet up with everyone, but then the ones i really want to see were there and they also spend their time to keep me company which really is all that matters. Japan was also great in its own way, and Inka is one of the best to travel with! i miss you ka when we finish our trip haha... seeing how we spend 24/7 in each other's company for 10 days, even caught the most horrible flu together in Singapore as well. I must say that going back even for a short time did refreshed me a lot, maybe because I was in under a hell lot of stress before the holiday period too. Anyway, two more courses to go and one final year project to tackle..then I'm officially (*fingers crossed**) saying goodbye to Imperial !