Farewell

Letting go of someone whom you have know more than half your lifetime is really really hard..Mom called today and told me that Brino was dying. He's been there with me since i was in 3rd grade primary school..I remembered Opa took him home when he was just a puppy. He was sooo tiny. Then he cried and cried the whole night cos it was the first time he was separated from his mum. I was ecstatic at the first experience of having a puppy..that time he came with Pedro, his brother, whom becomes Novi's dog. Me and Novi had so much fun playing with them. I remembered we used to put him behind, at the maid's quarters. And everytime we let him into the house, he will run around like crazy and tried to bite everything (cos his teeth was growing that time). Me and novi will jump on the couch to avoid being bitten by him, even tho it wasnt painful at all since he's only a puppy. Then after that as he get older, we put him out on the patio..he was on the leash for quite a long time. Meggi came when he was around..6 yrs old i think. He and Meggie instantly bcome best buddies. At first we was afraid he will attack Meggi, but in the end they loved each other to bits. Every single time i came back from school, he will jump up and down.. impatient to get off from his leash to greet me. He always loved it if i scratch his back with my foot.. usually i will sat down on the sofa, he will sat in front of me with his back facing me. We can stay like that for ages.

He was there when the riots happened
He was there when I graduated from primary school
He was there when I first started horse riding
He was there when I first had a crush on someone
He was there when it was the first time someone liked me
He was there when I got typhoid
He was there when I cried
He was there when I laughed
He was there when I was sad
He was there all the way through my junior high school and high school
He was there when I first found love
He was there when opa was really sick
He was there when I learned how to drive and able to drive by myself
He was there when I got my test results/a level results/competitions
He was always always there for me
He is always happy to see me, no matter how bad my day was. No matter what people think of me, he loves me all the way and vice versa.

When he gets really old, it was when i left for UK. He got white hairs on his nose. His eyesight is no longer good, also his legs were weaker. Nevertheless, he was still quite energetic. Those times we already let him loose, he can wander in and out of the house freely. He knows his way in the neighbourhood. When he was younger, he used to be able to hear if i'm coming by the sound of my car (he lives in my grandparents house, not in my house...). He will barks like crazy. As he gets older, he cant really hear it anymore. He will barks happily if he heard me opening the gate. Then after a few years, last time when i came back to indo this summer..he cant even hear me opening the gate anymore. I will have to come up to him and pat him on the back to let him know it was me. The amazing thing is after he knew it was me, he will still barks and jump around happily as though he was still the young, 5 yrs old dog ( he was already 12 that time). He will tire soon though.. the he will sat down in front of me, with his back facing me, demanding to be scratched as usual. As always he will follows me wherever I go in oma's house. I could see that he really was getting old. I always told him to take care of oma and opa whenever i went back to UK.

Mom called me today and said that he was ill these past few days. The vet came and said his liver was really bad..thus his body and his face was swollen. He was in a lot of pain. I told mum, its ok to put him down, but mum said that our vet do not like the idea of putting down animals. Our vet had suggested that the best way was for the one who loved him the most, to pray for him so he will go soon in peace.. When mum told me this, I think my response was soo distant. I dont know why, but I just cannot cry. When I wrote this, i feel like crying, but still i cant cry that openly. I dunno why, even though inside i felt really really sad.. I cant believe i cannot see brino anymore. My best friend, who's been there for me this past 12 yrs.. He was there with me, and he's the one whom i talked to a lot if i got problems. I cant believe that now he's dying and im not there with him. In an egoistics way, this might be easier for me as im not there..seeing him in pain, but im just so angry at myself why the hell am i stuck here while he, at this very minute, is dying back home. Fuck.
I love him
I have to let him go
I'm gonna pray so he will go soon in peace
I dont want him to suffer more.
Its a farewell at long last