me and Jeanne :) after our morning rides

the ones i've grown up with. tasha and putri.

This afternoon i was reading the horse world news in SEA, when i came across this article : http://www.sporthorsecm.com/publish/art1482.shtml in which it was Jeanne's interview. I felt proud for her but at the same time i cant help feeling kind of envious. She's always been like a sister to me, we've known each other since she started riding..we've been through a lot over the years of riding... She's so lucky in a way that she can still pursue her ambition and ride competitively in netherlands. She's even aiming for World Equestrian Games. For me, i stopped competing seriously ever since i came here to UK 4 years ago. Om ronny offered me last year whether i want to try out for the national games and rode for his team again or not,i declined. i know my riding technique has decreased a hell lot...i know i can still ride, its an ability u wont forget..like riding a bike, but im far from the rider im used to be back home when i used to ride to compete.ive been out of proper training for four years now. I know its impossible to cope with having a horse, competing and training if im doing a degree here in imperial, plus it is in London. where the closest riding place was like at least an hour away by tube. It has to be one way or another. I dont mind riding leisurely like i do now, having proper lesson only once a week..plus hacking out and ride Loki on my own during the weekends, but it is not the same. Not the same at all like what i used to do when i was younger, when it was the best times of my life...i rode five to six days a week, every afternoon when i finish school..i'll head straight to the stable and train for 2-3 hours, riding 3-4 horses at one go. My weekends are filled with waking up 5am in the morning and basically spent at least half of the day at the stables, having lessons with om James in the morning and after that just hanging out with my friends in the stable..grooming our horses, feeding them, sitting and chatting underneath the big beringin tree, went for lunch wearing our riding clothes, then went back to the stable..sleeping in the tack room, then checking the horses again before we went home. Most weekends we take turns sleeping over at each other's place...putri tasha alyssa sammy adi james jeanne julie kathi alena..endless horse people who've become just like my family after all these years. Horse community in indo is really small, that's why we've become just like one big family..competitions are our time to all meet up and hang out...even better when we competed abroad, our competition trips to Hongkong, spore, KL, brunei and all those new, funny horses we got over there. all the tears and laughter, winning and losing. I've missed om james a lot, he's been my trainer since i was nine years old..until now. He's the best, just like a mentor and father figure at the same time to me. To be honest, i still have an deep interest to work full-time with horses..but i do know it cost a lot of money, with nothing much in return. I wouldnt lie and say that i'll be contended graduating from a presitigious university then find a high-paying job in the city and start doing like what everyone else does with their life. I will always have it, deep in my heart, that dream with horses. It will always be my perfect dream. Whether i am going to do something about that or not, i hope i will. but for the moment, let me concentrate back on the reality of studying for exams and *fingers crossed* finishing this degree in a year's time. After that, i'll go where the wind blows.

I guess the realisation that exams are still far from over, makes me feel emotional..and nostalgic *sigh.