A search

I seem to be doing a lot of thinking lately, due to the fact that my existence nowadays are limited to the confined space of my flat and sometimes the few precious morning hours spent riding in the woods. Just now i spent a good deal of 15 minutes sitting outside my room, on the balcony..with my eyes closed and the warmth of sunshine on my skin. I was thinking of what i have been doing lately, why my life seems soo..i dont know, so distant i guess.It is not the same as boredom, also not tiredness. As i have so much free time, i'm not physically tired anymore like i used to be a few weeks ago when i was helplessly trying to juggle work, school, and riding. Now i'm more free, but the more freedom i have..the more thinking i seems to be doing. Usually i have a lot of things to think about, but strangely just now i feel like i was at a loss of things to think. Which makes me feel..i don't know how it makes me feel. I'm not sad, not happy, but not contended. Its a bit more like..emptiness. Its like something is missing, but i cant really put into words what is it.. I feel like i'm losing direction where to go next. Usually i am a person who plans and thinks ahead, my days are so organised. but now.. i don't know, i feel like me being here, and writing this..just so.. dunno. Nothing. ..Days like these i'm thankful for you who's always here, thanks for just being you.