End of 2006

6 more hours then its 2007
i'm still at home.. stuck at home revising..and revising..trying damn hard to actually concentrate, shit. but a bit more productive today. not bad.
I like christmas eve better..or birthday eve (huh?).
Going out to artati' place soon..happy =)

A ride in the woods

Just came back from horse riding :)
feel very very refreshed! now i am in studying mode (finally!). Horses are just the best. Rode Loki this morning. I schooled him in flat for 1hr, he really did felt a bit stiff on his front right shoulder. He was so full of energy when i was grooming him in his stall, he was practically dancing at the end of the lead rope...couldnt wait to go. Then I took him out to the woods for 1hr afterwards. We went with Luna, the dalmatian dog who was madly in love with him. Again, i get a bit lost in the wood (my sense of direction is really and truly hopeless!). Today was the perfect morning..I can feel the smell of the wet soil, birds chirping, a slight breeze and warm sunshine.. whilst you sat on a horse and taking it all in :)
Its heaven on earth :)

Akeelah and the bee

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.

We ask oursleves, who am I to be brilliant,gorgeous, talented and fabulous ? Actually, who your are not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, its in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberate others.

-Marianne Williamson-

huh, i really should stop browsing the internet and get back to extracellular matrix...Suddenly remembered this movie, Akeelah and the bee, which i watched on the flight back to London this September. I remember that I like this quote, so decided to search it on the internet..and tadaa.. found it! :)

Looking forward for new year's eve

I'm looking forward for new year's eve :) Can meet up with my lovely lovely friends whom i've been sort of out of touch lately, due to my super busy routine these past few weeks. Yesterday night we went to Knightsbridge, and ended up walking all along the road trying to find a nice restaurant which is open. Thanks for yesterday my dear friends :) Now I feel more at peace as i think i have found the answer i'm looking for, and i can see things differently, in a better way.

Cheers

I feel happy this morning :)
went high st kensington..
had nice lunch..
now gonna go back to my revision..
later tonight got a coffee date with ti & manda..
happy happy *,,

Living

I stayed at home for the whole day today, went for a run..then food shopping. Was initially contemplating to go topshop near my place, but too lazy in the end. Strangely, even tho exams are only like..2 weeks away..i can't seem to get into the studying mood yet. Which i think is really really strange for me. Usually I can get into mugging mode like..far away before the exams...maybe even like 1-2 months before.I've always been like that, always. Very weird...its not like i have too much free time as well. hmm... dunno, i just cannot get into studying mode just yet. Strange.

Yesterday i finished watching this jap series called '1 litre of tears' which makes me think ..that yeah its true that there's always sayings which said 'love yourself', 'be thankful because you are alive', etc and all that..I always read it, think 'hmm true', then forget it the straight away. After watching the movie, which was about this teenage girl fighting an incurable disease..called spinocerebellar athropy, where slowly but surely you lost the nerves in your limbs, one by one, day by day..its incurable, and can go on for years. It doesn't affect the person's mentality, but eventually they wont b able to walk or talk or even swallowing..I've been thinking, yeah its true that most of us (everyone probably) take too much things for granted. Then when its taken away from us,we realised how we should treasure it more. Even simple things, like walking..writing..waking up in the morning and well, simply realising that you are healthy and alive and young. When i was running this morning, i thought that, hey i'm lucky that i can run and have 2 healthy, fully functional legs. It is seems very cliche, but it is true. Some people out there, who is not so lucky, will fight every single day just to stay alive. They are thankful waking up each morning because they are alive. I think in a twisted way, they are lucky..because by knowing that they do not have much time left..they will live each single day to the fullest. In the end, they will have no regret. I wonder if i'm one of them..will i live my life differently? I think i will.or probably not. i dont know.

Hmm.. oh well.. and i was browsing friendster just now. And realised (again) something that i should have known or already knew perhaps. I really should keep my eyes more open from now.

Boxing day

Shopping IS tiring!
haha..
today i bought loads of things! much much better than least year's boxing day =)
I bought smart black pants, shirt, very very nice fitted blazer from topshop...Body Shop stuff..blue and brownish/gold sweater.
I feel so free to spend the money..taken into account that i just got paid from VUE yesterday.

Christmas this year was good =)
Me, Ninghan, Syah, and Yihlin travelled to Austria and Czeh (Prague) republic from 16-24 dec. I LOVE Prague! its soo pretty..and romantic...and cheap! Our trip was filled with hearty supper almost every single night =) we totally splurge on meals. Christmas markets everywhere, the best one are in Vienna. All the food stalls selling trodl "hollow bread" as yihlin named it..bratkartoffeln (nice salty garlicky potato pancakes)..boar meat & bread..gluhwein..langos! All the cutesy christmas decorations. Went to lots of cafes, Cafe Central in Vienna & Cafe Louvre in Prague were the best.. brown omelette pancakes with plum syrup, melted hot choc..heavenly.
Made a few friends along the way, mostly lone travellers..
Lots of long long walks around the city.. Bone church in kutna hora..so bony lol.

Salzburg is pretty..cold, but pretty. Saltmine and the Bavarian alps was cool..with the thick white fluffy snow..It was like a scene from Narnia.
Vienna is ok..nothing much special, but i love watching the horses being trained in the Spanish Riding School! awesome.very very highly skilled riders..
Prague is lovely! i wanna go back there again someday. Can see the castle..while walking across Charles Bridge in the evening. All the lights are so so pretty..reflected on the river.
It was a good, short, winter trip..a nice getaway from my normal, super busy london life. =)
I feel refreshed.

Ok from tomorrow, time to really start revising *sigh* =(

Once a year

I feel loved =)
..It's christmas day today !..

Farewell

Letting go of someone whom you have know more than half your lifetime is really really hard..Mom called today and told me that Brino was dying. He's been there with me since i was in 3rd grade primary school..I remembered Opa took him home when he was just a puppy. He was sooo tiny. Then he cried and cried the whole night cos it was the first time he was separated from his mum. I was ecstatic at the first experience of having a puppy..that time he came with Pedro, his brother, whom becomes Novi's dog. Me and Novi had so much fun playing with them. I remembered we used to put him behind, at the maid's quarters. And everytime we let him into the house, he will run around like crazy and tried to bite everything (cos his teeth was growing that time). Me and novi will jump on the couch to avoid being bitten by him, even tho it wasnt painful at all since he's only a puppy. Then after that as he get older, we put him out on the patio..he was on the leash for quite a long time. Meggi came when he was around..6 yrs old i think. He and Meggie instantly bcome best buddies. At first we was afraid he will attack Meggi, but in the end they loved each other to bits. Every single time i came back from school, he will jump up and down.. impatient to get off from his leash to greet me. He always loved it if i scratch his back with my foot.. usually i will sat down on the sofa, he will sat in front of me with his back facing me. We can stay like that for ages.

He was there when the riots happened
He was there when I graduated from primary school
He was there when I first started horse riding
He was there when I first had a crush on someone
He was there when it was the first time someone liked me
He was there when I got typhoid
He was there when I cried
He was there when I laughed
He was there when I was sad
He was there all the way through my junior high school and high school
He was there when I first found love
He was there when opa was really sick
He was there when I learned how to drive and able to drive by myself
He was there when I got my test results/a level results/competitions
He was always always there for me
He is always happy to see me, no matter how bad my day was. No matter what people think of me, he loves me all the way and vice versa.

When he gets really old, it was when i left for UK. He got white hairs on his nose. His eyesight is no longer good, also his legs were weaker. Nevertheless, he was still quite energetic. Those times we already let him loose, he can wander in and out of the house freely. He knows his way in the neighbourhood. When he was younger, he used to be able to hear if i'm coming by the sound of my car (he lives in my grandparents house, not in my house...). He will barks like crazy. As he gets older, he cant really hear it anymore. He will barks happily if he heard me opening the gate. Then after a few years, last time when i came back to indo this summer..he cant even hear me opening the gate anymore. I will have to come up to him and pat him on the back to let him know it was me. The amazing thing is after he knew it was me, he will still barks and jump around happily as though he was still the young, 5 yrs old dog ( he was already 12 that time). He will tire soon though.. the he will sat down in front of me, with his back facing me, demanding to be scratched as usual. As always he will follows me wherever I go in oma's house. I could see that he really was getting old. I always told him to take care of oma and opa whenever i went back to UK.

Mom called me today and said that he was ill these past few days. The vet came and said his liver was really bad..thus his body and his face was swollen. He was in a lot of pain. I told mum, its ok to put him down, but mum said that our vet do not like the idea of putting down animals. Our vet had suggested that the best way was for the one who loved him the most, to pray for him so he will go soon in peace.. When mum told me this, I think my response was soo distant. I dont know why, but I just cannot cry. When I wrote this, i feel like crying, but still i cant cry that openly. I dunno why, even though inside i felt really really sad.. I cant believe i cannot see brino anymore. My best friend, who's been there for me this past 12 yrs.. He was there with me, and he's the one whom i talked to a lot if i got problems. I cant believe that now he's dying and im not there with him. In an egoistics way, this might be easier for me as im not there..seeing him in pain, but im just so angry at myself why the hell am i stuck here while he, at this very minute, is dying back home. Fuck.
I love him
I have to let him go
I'm gonna pray so he will go soon in peace
I dont want him to suffer more.
Its a farewell at long last

Temptation

"I never resist temptation because I have found out that things which are bad for me, simply do not tempt me." George Bernard Shaw

Holiday mood

I'm in holiday mood!
today I slept in until 10.30am..then i woke up..went to run errands. Went back home, cooked myself a nice lunch (pasta with carbonara & veggie). Did bits and pieces. Went for work (very quiet today). The day after tomorrow we're off to Salzburg!! yayy... i started packing already today. Thx ppx for the bag! hehe..
Can't really bring myself to properly start revising yet.. bad bad..
but anyway, i think i deserve a bit of a break, then came back and can start revising =)
ok..ciao

Olympia

Okay, Olympia IS way COOL!

Today was a horse-filled-activity day which was really really really great =)

Got stat test in the morning..which is not brilliant, but ok. Then its end of term!! xmas hols (yeap with revising of course..) is here..yayyy

After that we got Pony Games ! I got Twiglet!! that black n white pony up there.. he was the cutest pony ever!! he was so fast cantering and weaving in and out of the cones..he did flying changes at every turn. I dont even hv to do anything really. So so cool.. He nearly bucked me off at the beginning though, when i asked him to canter. but i dont mind, i love him to bits! he is truly the best pony ever to have in pony games. There was this time when we have to jump off, took a polo mint from a bucketful of bran on the ground using our mouth..and feed it to our pony. Got a taste of a mouthful of bran lol...

Then after pony games, i got Todd for our flat lesson. Omg, he was a total body workout! i feel like i'm dying alrd after only 1/2 hr. The thing is, he will lean down sooo much on your hand, you feel like he's dragging you down and down ..He's good tho cos in a way he teach me how to really use my leg and sit up straighter. I tend to slouch a bit cos im so used in training young horses where u hv sit lightly cos their back is not strong enough usually. So with Todd, i had to really make him work...cos he's good and he knows his job, but if he knows he can get away with not doing anythg much..he will. In the end managed to make him do decent simple changes and shoulder-ins. not bad =)..plus now i got a horse to exercise in weeknds, Loki!

Then we all went to Olympia! around 7 of us..Its my 1st time to Olympia. Last yr i wanna go but didnt. It was way way good! really worth it. They got this huge shopping complex, with all the horsey stuff..good thing tht chief and kim is not here, otherwise i'd have bought tons of things for them. Then today's evening performance we got Service Showjumping Championship, where the winner is this paint horse called Peter Pan. He's just so good...he jumps well. We plan on stealing him and bring him back to Trent lol.. Then also got Hanoverian Stud Quadrille from Holland..ok only. After tht is the Police Attraction ShowJumping..which is cool! they rode their horses thr ring of fire (the pics above)..and also they undo their jacket WHILE jumping..and undo their saddle while riding..(this is the part which made me really puzzled how the hell they do it..hehe might try n get adam to taught us how). Me and Chris spent 1/2 hr discussing various ways we might be able to get our saddle off while riding. The best part was the last, which was Imke Bertels schoolmaster show..and FEI Kur Dressage to the Music (World Qualifier for Western European League).

I got to see Isabell Werth with Warum Nicht!! and Anky van Grunsven and Laura Bechtolscheimer and Paganini..and Imke Bertels!! Isabell's test was just surreal..her piaffe and tempi changes..plus with the music, the horse and her really just seem to dance ..truly dance. Got this one pair, which music is Grease's soundtrack, quite funny.. also Laura didnt ride tht well tonite, but her horse was damn damn good.

oh we won this stuffed horse, which me and luke was holding at the pic above..he's gonna b our mascot, and we christened him as Peter Pan! xp

Very tired, very happy =)

Twice in a day

Today, twice i met dian on msn (which was really rare). At 1st was in bio comp lab..she made this perumpamaan (no idea wht tht word is in english, lol) describing how she finally can accept some things.. It goes sort of like this : Friends are like stars in the sky. They will always be there. Day or night, even tho you can't always see them often..but you know they are there. When your life is too busy, you might not be able to see them (imagine its like London sky at night, cannot see the stars cos of the bright street lights)..but when you need them, they will shine on you (imagine its like..egypt sky, when its super dark, the stars & moon are the only light source).
Then at some point in your life, you will find a boyfriend/girlfriend..they are like rainbows. They are there for a brief period of time, then they are gone. They are beautiful, but it is a hard and long journey to find them as they only appear after the rain stops.

Then the 2nd time was before i went to sleep (yah like, just now)..she sent me a mssg, which is really good as well. It was about time (might sounds a bit weird, cos it was in indo..i try put it into english here)..She was saying that :

How can you define time ?

Time is always the reason why we are always rushing in this life..Running to chase time, or running away from the reality of time.

Time makes life more real.

We start to think that time is precious and meaningful when we only have a little of it left..when we have a lot of time, time just passed by..unnoticed..ignored by us. If we have a deadline to finish, shall we blame ourselves? or shall we blame time? Time will always rule our life.. We started to think, can we cheat the time? No, time is way too smart.

If we try to do a lot of things at once, it might not work out..

There are times when you love 'time' ..

There are times when you hate 'time'..

People keep saying '24 hours in a day is not enough'..but even though there are 100 hours in a day, people will still say '100 hours a day is not enough'.

Life is funny.

Santa can u hear me*

I'm very sleepy..
but i forced myself to stay awake..
at least for another hour.
Got two more chinese conversation to listen, i think i get the hang for most of it now =) yay! but still a bit worried for the test tmr. I hope i can do ok..

5 more days then we're off to Austria!!

"..Just for me, underneath my christmas tree...i'll be waiting here, santa that's my only wish this year :) .."

Pikkujoulut

This weekend had again pass by super fast. As usual, work at nights..cinema is ok, not so busy now after Bond had been out for 3-4 weeks. Went for Pikkujoulut (a finnish tradition to gather and drink a few weeks before xmas..i think) at Char/Nina/Mimi/Judith's place on friday nite...Their place is really2 near to big sains, the one near orient. Lots of bio ppl =) talk2 n drink..Went back around 1.30am. Initially was planning to go back home..but in the end i slept over at ninghan's place. Woke up ard 8.30 the next morning, felt quite awake. Had breakfst, went grocery shopping in sains..went back home, home at ard 11am. Somehow i just felt really peaceful that time..ended up cooking a nice meal for lunch, revise chinese (really2x start to worry how the hell am i gonna memorise all the characters for the test on monday!!!)...then just lazying around. Thia called! ended up talking2 for almost 2hrs with her. I feel very peaceful today =)

Memories

Afternoon sky, look at the rainbow :)

Sunset near Old Walls
Apple trees behind HighField in spring

Our boarding house

Field full of yellow flowers in front of mainhall

<3

Sunset behind sportshall

Ok i'm supposed to be revising chinese, then decided to browse facebook..then i opened Lien's profile and saw these pics which she took during our time in concord. Suddenly i was overwhelmed by memories of concord..I miss it!! I miss that secure, nice feeling we had during our times in cc. Living there, sharing everything together with everyone. Strange, these past few weeks i've suddenly missed concord so much.. i hardly think about cc at all last year. but these days, I really miss it.

Strand

I just got back home from riding club xmas dinner..its at Zizzi, in Strand. It was a good dinner =) ..esp the appetizer, which was bruschetta with some goat cheese & chicken stuff. Nice :) Abt 40 of us were there, which was really quite a lot. It was with some ppl from ULU Polo Club as well (since we started playing polo with them this yr).. I've hardly been to Strand area at all..turns out it was quite nice at night, with lots of restaurants and stuff.

I never actually notice if I'm asian nowadays, but tonight i did realise tht beside me, there's only 1 asian guy in the table (but he's canadian). Thats a bit funny though, cos I think a few of the polo club ppl..which i never met before..actually kind of give me a sort of funny look..cos due to Sam's idea (its quite funny actually..we all sat in one long row..then the ppl frm polo club sat in front of us..so we can get to know each other better). There's this girl from the polo club, who asked Laura, like..who is the best rider in imperial..then Laura just pointed to me..and i can see frm her expression tht she was so surprised. She was like, oh so you've been riding a long time then etc...she thought i was a beginner rider at first. I quite enjoyed it actually hehe. =)Thats why in horsy world over here, sometimes i do feel so asian..cos theres really NO asian ppl working in the stable etc..but the good thing is, once they know that I know what i'm doing and i'm good at it, then they'll be fine. Like back in Shrewsbury, when i volunteered to help out at competitions, i'm always the one and only asian as well. Nowadays i alrd get used to it. Also wht i really love abt horsy ppl, is tht even tho u just meet..then we can just talk n talk n talk abt horses endlessly..i cant really remember the names of the new ppl i just met tonite, but we managed to talk all the way thro a 3-course-dinner abt horses and horses and more horses...
Its amazing...had a good time =) and also feel really2 sleepy now cos i ate so much.

I think my alcohol tolerance level really decrease a lot nowadays..i was a bit high just after 1/2 a glass of wine. Really really bad..usually i can drink a lot more compared to my friends.. hmm. Might b cos i havent drink a lot lately. Really quite worrying, cos usually i'm always the one left quite sober and ended up taking care of others.

Only one week (less than one week actually) of school left..then its xmas hols! i really make myself to start revising properly 2-3 days ago..and now i actually felt stressed. I really shd make a effort to call my parents tmr.. been planning to call them for the last 4 days, but havent got around to actually make that call. Sometimes i feel like being here for too long, makes me forget my origin (or some sort)..jakarta feels soo far away..like my life before i came here never existed..its like a vague memory in the very back of my mind. Its quite bad.

All I want for Christmas is You & Christmas is All Around are currently on my playlist =) I love xmas songs!

Happy thoughts!

Today was normal, normal but relaxing day =)
Went for a run in Hyde park, so nice...will do tht more often! hehe..then went back early which was really rare for me. Cook salmon for dinner, then watched Grey's anatomy frm Meiting :)
Irma's back as well, good to hv her back. I realised i don't like coming back to empty flat everyday, cos she's always back before me. Then hmm..wht else, nothing much i guess..but i feel like its nice to just have a normal, non busy day sometime. when u just go back home, no lab reports to type up, no rush to do anything.

Yesterday work was really easy, closed damn fast with Melissa. Plus Sebastian hid in the popcorn box n scared meiting hehe..tht was so funny. He actually can fit into tht box! xp Nxt week gonna b busy again i guess..Happy Feet and The Holiday coming up. Mil also left, he was transferred to VUE west end..Hmm. Magda was telling us stories back then when she just started in VUE 3 yrs ago, apparently tht time was much much busier.

Oh and i just downloaded R ! i really like playing with the graphs.. hehe..it was fun :)

Cloudy afternoon

"If the whole universe has no meaning, we should never have found out that it has no meaning. Just as, if there were no light in the universe and therefore no creatures with eyes, we should never know it was dark. Dark would be without meaning." -c.s. lewis

Greeting by a cat

Most nights when I was walking back home from Pimlico tube station, I always met this brown cat. He (or she?) will come up to me and purred happily while I stroke & cuddle him a bit. Then he'll follow me a few metres, before turning back and went back to his house. I think his owner let him loose for a few hours every night. Some cats are actually quite cute. :)

Godfather

Just came back home from Leicst Sq, met up with Artati there..we went to Bella Italia, and had this nice yummy chocolate/raspberry/cream desert. Its called the Godfather : vanilla creme, sprinkles of choc chips, choc brownies, vanilla/choc ice cream.. practically the perfect choc overload for desert. Also ordered a raspberry cheesecake..and latte. Sat outside, sipping our hot latte and scooping the yummy desert. Talk abt loads of things, catching up basically :) ..At one point we talked abt how funny it is bcos here, we're all so..well..say independent. as in..we deal with our own rent,pay our bills, travel around by bus/tube/walk, etc etc..then the moment we're back home, strangely we just fall back to bcome dependent to lots of things. Like, parents/driver/maids/cars.. we don't even have a clue how to pay water/electricity bills back home. Its all sorted by our dearest parents. Hmm..funny, isn't it?

Also we agreed at this pretty much standard opinion : at some point in your life, whether its in love/life/study/job/friends whatever.. There's almost always 2 available options in general :

1. Follow what YOU really want

2.Choose the SAFE option

The rules are more or less.. choose (1), then say,its in love : u give someone 110% of your heart, then there's a risk they'll break it into pieces, and you getting hurt. In a job : be totally egoistic and do what you REALLY want, say be an artist and drew whatever you want, nobody buys your work, but somehow you still wants to get money to live on.

OR choose (2), if its in love : choose a guy who likes you FIRST, then you wouldn't risk getting hurt cos you know the guy likes you..so he won't hurt you. The downside is, you don't actually likes 'likes' him that way, only..care abt him as friends the most, but then he is the safe option... In a job : be an artist, BUT you DON'T get to draw what you want.. you draw what ppl WANTS you to draw, then they pay you for your work. (I mean if its talking from an artist's point of view.. it can be any other jobs really..the average ppl, who did the average 9-5pm jobs.. which they don't hate doing, but its not exactly their dream jobs anyway..they did it for the sake of making enough money for their family is more like the case)

All those posters saying "Follow your dreams", or "Only you who can decide who you wants to be"..and all that kind of bullshit, is non sense. I mean, frankly speaking, yeah u can.. and i'm sure there are lots of ppl who did exactly that, but it is not as easy as it sounds.

Hmm..
oh btw, 007 is surprisingly GOOD. :) Daniel Craig IS a better Bond. It is worth watching.